Cleveland is in trouble

I never realized how much of a suburban girl I was until this summer.

This summer, I began working for the Cleveland Foundation, a community foundation in downtown Cleveland that receives money from donors willing to support change in Cleveland and disperses it to deserving nonprofit and governmental agencies across Northeast Ohio.

To keep current on things in Cleveland, I make it a point to read the Plain Dealer every day.

It seems like every day since the beginning of summer, I log onto Cleveland.com and discover that overnight, while my family and I were sleeping peacefully, a young adult was murdered.

This morning I read about Brandon Marshall, a bright, yet troubled 16-year-old who was shot in the leg because he didn't have permission from gang leaders to be in a certain area. He was on his way to his aunt's house.

What kind of city am I holding on to? What is going on? I can't even imagine not being able to walk where I wanted to walk just because some local drug dealers decided it was their territory. Where are the cops?

The long list of murder victims this summer alone troubles me. I wonder, why are people killing each other? It might be the result of media coverage, but why does it seem like all the violence in Cleveland is black-on-black crime?

I always say I love Cleveland, but maybe what I mean is, I love Cleveland Heights, the racially diverse suburb where I grew up, which is still relatively safe.

I don't know anything about drug dealers. I know a little about drugs, but have no idea where to buy them. I realize for some Cleveland residents, they don't have to go very far. Right next door. Up the street. Around the corner. Plenty of places to get that fix.

What can I do? I think to myself as I keep reading these stories of young people gunned down simply because of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I understand some tragedies can't be avoided, but a young girl stopping at the corner store to buy candy shouldn't be shot and killed as she leaves.

This has got to stop. I know I get scared when I have to drive through certain sections of Cleveland at night, but I have no idea how terrifying it must be to actually live there.

I pray for all the families of the victims. May God bless you.

Random thoughts from a soon-to-be college graduate...

* Sometimes I wonder if I'm prepared for life after graduation. I like my current position, but like my friend Courtney said, I like knowing how my life is going to be mapped out for the next 15 weeks. I like the security of having a set schedule that I designed. I've been struggling with the change to work, but I think I'm getting the hang out it. Time will tell on how well I do...

*With my graduation, daughter's christening, wedding, etc, coming up within the next 30 days (can someone please tell me why I thought having all these life events at one time was a good idea??) I feel like I'm running in circles some days. I really can't wait for my honeymoon, so I can just kick back and relax. Lord only knows the next time I'll be able to do that.

*I have a serious junk-food habit that I need to kick. The hubby brought home some Swiss Cake Rolls and I immediately wanted to eat the whole box, even though I know I always feel like crap afterward. But my wedding is motivation for me to leave the junk alone! I even have pictures of thin brides all over my kitchen. (Although honestly, I don't even see them anymore and look right past them when reaching for the fattening stuff...lol)

*I've been considering quitting blogging just because I honestly don't have the time to devote to it like I should. If I do something, I don't want to do it half-assed. I want it to be the best. I want to be able to post every day, not just throwing something up there like I've been doing this week. But I'm not sure yet. Maybe after the wedding my life will calm down a bit and I can continue. But if not, I'll be sure to let you know!

Behind the scenes of Facebook...

...AKA "the college addiction."

I knew I had a problem when I realized I couldn't log onto the Internet without checking my Facebook page. I logged on at the library, at the rec, before my shower, after my shower, when I got up in the morning, before I went to sleep. Before class. During class.

But I don't just go on there to see the latest updates in my friends' worlds, but I also like to see the changes to the site. I prefer Facebook over MySpace just because, in my opinion, the layout is so much easier to navigate. Giving people the option to personalize their page (like MySpace does) seems to be a good idea in theory, but whenever I go on there I can't stand the busy backgrounds on the majority of the pages. I don't mind the music playing, because if you don't like the song, you can simply pause it. There needs to be an option where you can "turn off" a user's background. That's where Facebook wins. Sure, everyone's profile looks the same, but that's okay.

Design issues aside, Facebook is nice because its developers are continually upgrading its site and tweaking it to fit the needs of its users. I regularly read the Facebook blog and I love how they describe the thought process that went into making changes to the site.

Maybe I'm just a nerd, but I like it. I love knowing how those decisions are made, because it affects my experience on the site. And considering how much time I spend on Facebook, having a good experience is crucial.

It's Been A Long Time...

Sorry about the lack of updates lately. The semester is winding to an end and my days as a carefree college student (ha!) are coming to an end. Between making arrangements for the ceremony and then finishing up my work for the semester, I've been swamped. Add in the fact that my daughter decided she no longer wishes to sleep through the night and I've been downright exhausted. So I hope to hit you up with more posts this week.

On a side note, keep your fingers crossed for me! I interviewed for a new position on Friday and I really hope I get it. The staff seems great, I felt really comfortable in the office and I really really really liked the job description. Prayers would certainly be appreciated!

Until next time...

Five Tips For Networking...

As I am rapidly approaching graduation, I'm realizing that I'm a lot better at networking than I was when I entered college four years ago. I used to break out in a sweat at the thought of chatting up people I didn't know, trying to get them to remember me in the hopes that one day our paths would cross again and they would think highly enough of me to help me out in some way.

But, after a few conferences and a high-profile internship under my belt, I feel a lot more confident and I've learned a lot. Some are really obvious, but others it took me a while to learn.
I'm happy to share them with you.

1) Know what you want to do and have it ready for anyone who asks. For many years I made the mistake of telling people I wanted a mentor and would they be willing to fill that role. Most people said sure, they'd be happy to, but we'd fall out of contact and I'd end up being borderline annoying trying to figure out why they didn't have time for the type of relationship I wanted. I realized I fared much better with people when I told them my goals and how I wanted to make them happen. Then they were much more interested in helping me achieve my goals when they knew I wasn't just leaning on them for support.



2) Always, always, always smile and offer a sincere compliment when approaching someone. Now, don't say you like their hair or shoes if you really think they are rather ugly. But for women, this tactic has worked 99% of the time for me. If I'm in a situation, I usually break the ice with women by complimenting them on their shoes. Being the shoe junkie that I am, it leads to a full blown conversation and we end up laughing at our mutual obsession.


3) Look for different ways to network, not just in person. I find that in-person networking is most effective, but when you purely just want to get your name out there, you gotta do it the best way you can. Check MySpace for people you admire. Practically EVERYONE has a MySpace page and you can learn tidbits about people you didn't know and wouldn't have the opportunity to ask within the first five minutes of meeting someone. Leave them a comment or send them a message. Friend them. Make all these social networking sites work for you.

4) Be curious. If you are an artist, find an artist that you like and contact them. If you are a entrepreneur, seek out someone who built their own company from scratch and ask them how they did it. People like talking about themselves and if given the opportunity, they will do so, not realizing that they are actually helping you.

5) Once you do make a contact, follow up with them. I met a journalist in Atlanta during the NABJ convention and she gave me email so I could touch base with her later. A couple months later I saw her byline in Essence and shot her an email saying that I read her latest article and was very impressed. Things like that make a difference.

So there you go. Four years of trial and error all laid out here for you to enjoy. Feel free to add your own tip in the comments.

My Goals for the Future

My good friend Martin Lindsey has tagged me to list my goals for the future. I actually have a ten-year plan (that was blown to bits when I found out I was pregnant last year), so I have revised it. Here are my goals that I will achieve by 2008:

1) Get a job in the magazine industry. My current job is in public relations. I am applying for this job to be an associate editor at a magazine in the area and I am really really praying that I get it. It's extremely hard to break into this industry where I live, but landing this job will help me make that next step in a larger city.

2)Get this balance of motherhood and career together. I don't trust just anyone to watch my daughter, so I'm having a hard time getting used to the fact that I will, eventually, have to put her in daycare. As unproductive as it makes me, I still like having her sit on my lap while I type.

3)Become a better wife by being nicer to my husband. Sometimes I can be a bitch. There's no other way to put it. For example, yesterday, I was tired and I wanted to lie down for a minute so I tried to hand my daughter to him and I asked him to change her diaper. He told me to put her down and he would get to her in a minute. However, he was just sitting on the couch watching TV.

That set me off. I got upset and called him useless. Useless. Ugh. How mean am I? I tried to apologize but it's gotten to the point where he doesn't even listen to me when I get upset anymore. I don't even think he heard me call him useless.

But just things like that I need to work on. If he said half the things to me that I say to him, I would be mad all the time.

4) This isn't really a goal per se, but I need to get out more. I went out with my friend last night for half-priced appetizers and we arrived at the restaurant about 35 minutes before they closed. No one looked like they wanted to serve us, which is kinda understandable, but I was so upset. I wanted to scream, "Look guys! I don't get out often! If you don't get over here and serve me some food, I'll be forced to go home early and Lord only knows the next time I'll be able to escape!" I'm taking that as a sign.

I'm tagging a few more folks I guess.

1)Meranda

2) Kimberly

3) Insert your name here. That's right, I'm tagging everybody! Let me know what your personal goals are...Keep it going!

We are a part of the problem...

When I was younger, there were two magazines that I always read: Essence and The Source.

Weird combo, right?

I figured Essence could give me my fix of what was going on with black women even though I was way too young to comprehend much of what was said. I read The Source to learn more about the artists my parents didn't allow me to listen to. I learned about their struggles and what they were trying to say in their music.

But eventually, I stopped reading The Source. The artists became, well, wacker and wacker. And I stopped caring. There was no message.

Check out this interview with Elliot Wilson, editor of XXL magazine, one of the last mags left standing in the hip-hop industry. He's pictured with his fabulous wife, Danyel Smith, editor-in-chief of VIBE magazine.

Here's a little snippet of what Wilson has to say regarding hip-hop and what sells on the newsstands:

"Black and Hispanics started Hip-Hop, people of color making something out of nothing and rebelling against the system. Let’s not forget that Hip-Hop is a rebellious music. It’s like if you not going to let us in we are going to break the door down. Now we fight our need to buy into capitalism and our need to make money and be successful but we’re still the ones that have fought against the system. Whether the music is the most political or just party music, it’s our actions. It’s still based on the “rags to riches” and living the American Dream premise."

Very well, Mr. Wilson, but what about putting artists on your covers who don't demean women or use excessive profanity?

"When I’ve done things that have been against the grain—putting Talib, Mos Def and Dave Chappelle on the cover—it doesn’t sell as well as when I put 50 Cent or Lil’Wayne on the cover. We criticize the lack of diversity but we are attracted to certain types of artists who are charismatic, over the edge, drama. The balance comes from the internet and smaller Hip-Hop magazines, which don’t worry as much about sales. On the web there are so many blogs and sites that champion smaller or lesser known artists and bring them to the forefront."

So what does that tell us? There is enough blame to go around: record labels, artists, consumers. We are all a part of the problem.

Some things I'm thinking as I sit here thinking...

In the midst of this tragedy, I find myself trying to look on the brighter side of things. Granted, I'm two states away, no one I know was hurt or even attends Virginia Tech, but the non-stop coverage is starting to get to me.

It's times like these that I wonder if I have what it takes to be a journalist. If I was in the Virginia Tech newsroom, would I have been able to cover the story effectively? Would I have had the smarts to ask the right questions, to get the right information and then convey that effectively? I don't know.

I'm a newbie in this industry, so I'm not as hardened to the news and events like some vets are. When I saw the students speaking on what happened, it made me cry. When the one young man described how he pressed the table against the door to keep the gunman from coming into the classroom, he began to cry and I cried with him. I wanted to hug him. If I had been there, as a journalist, interviewing him, I probably would have.

Does that mean I lack the ability to detach myself from an emotional situation? Is that even necessary?

Whatever the case may be, I'm keeping the victims, their families and the students, faculty and staff at Virginia Tech in my prayers. I'm also keeping the shooter's family in my prayers also. I don't know how they are holding up, knowing what their son was responsible for. May God be with them all.

Please support my friends...

Head on over to Giant magazine's online home, giantmag.com to check out an article by esteemed colleague Charreah Jackson, titled, Are Black Girls Out of Style?

I met Ms. Jackson last summer, when we were both interns in the American Society of Magazine Editors internship program. We didn't hang out much during the 10-week stay (Ms. Jackson, a Howard student, was busy getting her network on and I, being 5 months preggers at the time, tried to stay out the heat as much as posslbe) but we still talk now. I even asked her to watch out for my little sis who decided the HBCU experience was too good to pass up.

She is major. And she's still in college. You can check out her blog, Queen to Be, to read more about how fab she is.

So what does that tell you about her future?

It's bright!

Let me go put my shades on!

Reading is fundamental, part II

At my baby shower last year, I was given the usual gifts: diapers, clothes, bottles, bibs, etc. But my friends bought an insane amount of books. I thought this was weird.

Why buy books so early? I knew between feeding her and trying to find a moment to sleep, reading to a baby who couldn't care less about what adventures Pooh and Tigger were getting into would be a useless task.

But the more I thought about it, the more I think it makes sense.

So many times, when I've exhausted all the children's songs I know and my arms ache from lifting her in the air while singing her name, I lay her down on the bed and go get a book. I figure, while she doesn't know what I'm saying, the experience of laying in bed with a good book has got to be beneficial somehow, right?

I think one of the main reasons I'm so successful (if I can say so myself) is because I like to read. I read anything. When I was younger, I couldn't just eat dinner, I had to read something, anything while I was doing it. For breakfast, I would read the back of the cereal box over and over. By age 10, I could tell you the ingredients for any cereal you could think of.

That's why I named the blog "Words 'n Such." My love of writing is really just a love of words. It's just that simple.

And I want to pass that love of words, of learning, of writng down to my daughter. I believe if you are a good reader, the world is yours.

Reading is fundamental....

When I was a freshman, I volunteered with this after-school program to help tutor young students, from ages 6-10. Study Buddies, we were called.

One girl, about 11, 12, was always really quiet when it came to story time. We'd pass the book around, letting each student get a chance to read a page. When we'd get to her, she'd start turning into a bully, giving a huge attitude.

The instructor sighed and let the next student read. Afterwards, when the girl was calm, I approached her and asked if she'd like to read with me. Tentatively, she grabbed the book I was holding and began to read.

"The ba-ba-ba...." she stuttered.

"Baby," I gently prodded.

"The baby...c-c-r...."

"Cried," I said.

"The baby cried," she said.

This went on for a page and a half and when I realized this little girl couldn't read any words more than three letters. When I was her age, I was devouring books, 2 or 3 of them a week. Now I understood why she was so angry and withdrawn.

I told the supervisor that I didn't think this girl could read very well. Extra help was arranged for her, along with counseling, because it turns out her home environment wasn't that beneficial either.

I don't know what became of her because my schedule didn't allow me to continue, but I think about her all the time.

She must be about 14, 15 now. I hope she was able to get the help she needed and was able to let go of her anger.

Meet Dr. Farrah Gray, my new inspiration...

I usually blog about something if I think about it at least three times. But this has to be the 80th time I've read something about a certain black man by the name of Dr. Farrah Gray, so I thought it was appropriate that I look into him and his background. Who IS Dr. Farrah Gray?

According to his bio on his official site, he is someone who can show our young people what can happen when you decide at an early age that you want to make something of yourself.

"Raised in the impoverished South side of Chicago, Dr. Gray defied the odds and became a self-made millionaire by the age of 14," his bio reads.

He got his start selling handmade lotion and bookends and accomplished more in his few years on earth than most people do in a lifetime.

I like giving light to people who are making real strides in the world, who understand what it takes to get ahead and serve as an inspiration for those generations to follow.

Now excuse me while I go off to the library to pick up his book, Reallionaire: Nine Steps to Becoming Rich from the Inside Out. You should too.

I Need Some Friends....

Despite everything I have going on in my life, I have come to the painful realization that I'm lonely.

Not every day, not all the time. But I'm lonely a lot more often than I should be.

I know I have friends, most of whom are just minutes or a simple phone call away. But they're busy. Out working, enjoying life, going to class, going to the bars, etc.

Basically being young and childless.

I don't feel like I really have anyone I can talk to, who understands me. Most of my friends have been great, don't get me wrong. But I can't talk to anyone who understands my frustration when something happens with my daughter. When she spends all day crying (like today), I wish I had someone I could call who knew exactly what that felt like. Not saying my friends don't try, but it's hard to empathize with a mother if you've never actually been a mother.

I told my younger sister this the other day and she suggested that during those times when I feel sad or lonely, to call my mom. She was about 24 when she had me, and there had to have been days when she felt lonely too.

But sometimes you don't want to go running to your mother. My mom is an amazing woman who works two jobs just to keep food on the table and averages about three hours of sleep a day, completely neglecting her health in order to take care of my two sisters. (And her precious granddaughter, I should say.)

I don't want to run to her, complaining that I'm lonely. She has enough stuff on her plate as it is. I don't want to burden her further.

But I guess that's my problem. I would have no problem listening my friends vent about whatever is on their minds, but I would feel like I was burdening my friends if I spent time complaining to them. After all, I chose to get pregnant and have my daughter and if she cries all day, I feel in their mind, they wouldn't understand because hey, that's what babies do.

The hubby doesn't seem to have this problem. He works full-time and has interactions outside the house and plenty of his friends have children. It helps that he's older. Being a parent at 26 isn't so much an anomaly as it is at 21. Despite what you may think and hear, teenage (or early 20s) parents are hard to come by.

I guess it'll get better once she's a little older and I'm working and not chained to the apartment all day, bored with time on my hands to think about how lonely I am....

It's funny, no?

I'm covering this story today that's taking place at the local high school. I'm walking down the hall trying to find the auditorium and a man in a tracksuit stops and points at me.

"Hey, you!" he yells.

I turn around. "Yes?"

"Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

"Um...no. I don't go here."

"Sure, sure. Get to class. Don't let me catch you in the hallway after the bell rings again."

What? Man, I know I look like a baby, but to be yelled at while covering a story is a new one for me.

Job interviews require new clothes...

Despite the fact that I have close to zero dollars in my bank account (okay, let's call it like it is - I'm broke), I'm trying to go shopping to get some clothes that are suitable for a college graduate. Right now, my wardrobe consists of hoodies, 20-25 pairs of jeans and more college T-shirts than I know what to do with.

I will admit that over the past year, I have definitely improved my shoe collection, with more ballet flats and fewer flip-flops. I have a beautiful pair of chocolate Nine West wedges that I can't WAIT to wear to work. I wore them last summer during my internship and my feet didn't hurt after eight-plus hours in them.

But I want to go out and (slowly of course) buy clothes that will help me throughout the next five-ten years or so. Classic pieces, you know? I already have the trendy stuff covered.

So I've been looking at stores trying to pick one as "my store." Truthfully, my store used to be Old Navy. I would buy everything from there, but I think I'm outgrowing them.

I'm thinking Express might be it. They have the best jeans EVER and their stuff is cute without looking too young. I also like Charlotte Russe, but some of their things ARE a little cheap. But I did find this trench that is almost too cute to pass up.

I even looked at Beyonce's House of Dereon to see if there was anything there. Bee always looks put together and I thought there might be some pieces that I could work into my wardrobe.

Um....no.

I checked out the collection, but I could only find a few things worth checking out.
These pumps are cute, and I could definitely see my feet in them. Ahh the joys of having tiny feet!

So I'm going to (slowly) grow my collection of cute clothes and one day I'll look like the put-together, fresh out of college journalist that I am!

Which One Do You Choose?

If you were forced to choose, do you change your race or your gender?

For instance, if I had to choose, do I become a white woman or a black man?

Hmm...I think I'd become a white woman.

If you had to choose, which would you keep? Your race or your gender?

My hubby said he'd die before being anything other than a black man. Wow. Guess I'm not that attached to being black. LOL.

Prayers Answered!

My hubby comes home for lunch today. In his hand is a container of Chinese food and a few envelopes. Bills, I'm assuming.

He shuffles through them, looking for the ones with my name on it.

"Please don't," I say. "I'm not in the mood to look at bills right now."

Being the ever supportive, good listener that he is, he hands me the bills anyway. I take a look at them. One from the Cleveland Clinic, one without a name.

I open the one from the clinic and this sentence stuck out: "...you qualify for a 100% discount on your incurred medical services...."

Just the other day I was worried about how I was gonna pay all this, and today I find out it's been taken care of because the hospital finally figured out how poor I was.

God is sooo good to me.

My wedding song...

In less than three months, I'll be walking down the aisle at my wedding.

Wow.

My hubby's brother has offered to sing a song for me as I walk down the aisle. He chose "You For Me" by Johnny Gill. (You've heard it if you've seen Madea's Family Reunion...it's the wedding song at the very end.)

Click here if you'd like to listen to it. Let me know what you think!

My new favorite picture of the munchkin!

3 months and counting!

I'm looking for my soul mate....

Okay, so I've already got a hubby.

"Well, isn't he your soul mate?" you ask.

"Yes."

"So then why are you still looking for one?"

"Well, he's my soul mate, but I'm looking for an online friend."

"Online friend? Isn't that cheating?"

"No, not really."

"Yes it is. It's like Adult Friend Finder or whatever it is that pops up when you try to look at porn."

"I'm not looking to meet this person. I'm looking for a guy who's a fellow blogger who writes about his personal feelings - not celebrities, not SEO, not design or anything else. I just want a guy who understands me."

"But, um, what about the hubby?"

"Why do you keep bringing him up?"

"I'm just saying..."

"Well, don't."

Basically, all that dialogue just goes to say that I am looking for a new blog. Someone who's a witty writer, who understands the basic rules of grammar, that updates at least once or twice a week, and who writes about things I can relate to.

Is that so hard to find?

Probably as hard as finding my soul mate was.