Friday, January 26, 2007

I Can't Get Into Ugly Betty...

...Yet I love America Ferrera. She is so pretty! Plus she's a great actress.
But last night, as I was sitting on the couch nursing the little one, I was trying to watch Ugly Betty, especially after Ms. Ferrera won at the Golden Globes. I wanted to show her some support.

But I just had to turn. Not that it's not a good show, it's just that it reminded me too much of myself and my story.

You see, for most of my life I've suffered from a lack of self-esteem. I wouldn't say I had low self-esteem, because it wasn't low, it was non-existent. I remember one day in seventh grade (the grade where you start to care how boys view you and you start wearing jewelry and lip gloss) when school pictures came out. This boy looked over my shoulder at my packet and said, "You look like an ugly boy."

Can you imagine how that made me feel? Not only did he think I was ugly, but he thought I looked like a BOY. That comment has permanently scarred me. And the fact that he said it so casually, so matter-of-fact, haunted me for years after.

I mean, I know I'm not the prettiest woman alive. You won't catch me on the cover of People's Most Beautiful People issue. I think on a good day, when I'm well rested and managed to find my way into the salon, I'm pretty cute. But every day? An average day? I'm just an average chick.

I wear glasses. Society would have us believe sexy women don't suffer from astigmatism or near-sightedness.

This brings me back to Ugly Betty. She wears glasses, braces and has a, ahem, odd sense of fashion. She works at a high fashion magazine and the other staff members look down at her.

Sometimes I feel like that would be me if I moved to New York and worked at, say, Vogue. I'm not the most glamourous woman, but I long to be.

Watching Ugly Betty just takes me back to that day in seventh grade, when I wanted nothing more than just be pretty.


Paula Neal Mooney said...

Tara you don't know your own beauty. I've seen you up close and you're pretty with gorgeous hair and confident and do not understand your own glory.

But I know how it feels to feel "unpretty." In grammar school I got teased for having buck teeth.

Now I'm glad I grew up as kind of an ugly duckling because it taught me my value beyond the surface, and to look beyond others' superficial surface, too.

But I say again, you are beautiful. Always know that. And your kindness and comraderie and smarts only add to the total package.

You're amazing...I keep telling you, if only I had a head on my shoulders at 21 like you do now...

You're way ahead of the game.


That Journalist said...

well, thank you Paula!

It's horrible when you look in the mirror and don't like what you see. Some of my most prominent features (my big forehead, my hairline, my tiny lips) hae been passed down to my daughter and I don't want her to grow up hating the way she looks because she is just goregous! So I guess we all see what we want to see.

Brie Jackson said...

A lot of girls feel that way in middle school, I know I did. I had it bad because I was skinny and "flat chested." No boys liked me. I think that time in a girls life is just awkward. I'm sure that you grew up to be a beautiful woman.

Yolanda said...

From your pictures on your blog I think you are beautiful. It's always amazing to me how in american society boys are taught to think highly of their looks no matter how bad they may be while girls are made to feel bad no matter how pretty they may be. 7th grade was a rough year for me- my nose grew before the rest of me did so I had to grow into it for awhile there (thankfully I caught up with it though lol)