Sunday, November 19, 2006

Last day...

Well, this is it. In about four hours, I will be admitted to Hillcrest hospital to have my labor induced. My little precious is about a week late, with no true signs of ever being ready to come out.

Am I ready? Well, like the childhood game goes, ready or not, here she comes. I think I've been trying to prepare myself, but nothing can truly prepare you for parenthood except parenthood. I just thank God that I have a wonderful fiance who has been by my side the whole time. I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't been there.

Am I nervous? Definitely. I'm nervous about doing things the "right way" - holding her the right way, feeding her enough, changing her, teaching her, showing her the best way to live. I'm still learning myself sometimes what to do.

But what I will say, is that ever since we scheduled the induction, I've been more motivated than ever to work hard. I want to succeed now, not just because of my own personal goals, but because I want to provide for her, so that she doesn't know the pain of going without. Sometimes I feel like the odds are stacked against me, that everyone expects me to fail and to become a statistic, but I truly believe that my daughter has been placed in my life to become my reason for breathing, not to become an obstacle on my road to progress.

I just pray to God that everything works out. I've never considered myself a true practicing, in-your-face Christian, but I've always had God in my heart and wanted to do what pleased Him. I might not have always followed His path, but I still believe I am a good person. It's funny how being pregnant and about to give birth makes you analyze what type of person you've been, and how you can become a better person. I can't wait to see my little one, to hear her take her first breath of air, her first cry. I don't know what I've done to deserve this, but I am truly floating on cloud nine. I'm loving her already.

So perhaps you'll get another post from me on Wednesday or Thursday when I get home detailing my first childbirth experience, but I doubt it. But I WILL detail it, if for no other reason than to have it written down somewhere for my daughter to read one day.

To be continued...

1 comment:

Radiogirl said...

I saw the pix. That girl is gorgeous and with a head full of hair. You are soo blessed. Thanks for sharing the pix.