Why Don't I Fit In?
I'm so old.
Not really, not physically, but mentally. I swear I'm about 21 going on 65. My friends ask me the "grown-up" questions, you know, things like when to file taxes, how to apply for graduation, can you proofread my resume, etc, etc. Things I know because I'm "older."
Which is weird because all my friends are at least my age or a few years older. But I'm telling you, I'm maturing faster than everyone else and I always have.
I think it might be because I started school a year early, so I was always trying to keep up with my friends who were doing things that I shouldn't have been attempting for at least another year.
But somehow it made me old. Just the thought of going down to the bars on Thursday or Friday night makes me want to head right to the bed and snuggle under the covers with a thick glossy magazine. And I'm okay with that.
I've only been out to clubs twice. Maybe three times. That's it. My younger sister at Howard has been to more parties her first semester freshman year than I did all four years of college. Wow. Mind you, she did all that partying without even being 18 most of the semester (not to say she participating in underage drinking, 'cause she wasn't...and if you were, I'm gonna get you!).
I guess I'm saying all this to say three things:
1) I'm graduating from college and I've never been drunk. Something seems odd about that. I've barely had any liquor these past four years. My first actual drink was about two months ago, when the hubby and I had a rare date night and I ordered a strawberry daiqiuri.
Not really, not physically, but mentally. I swear I'm about 21 going on 65. My friends ask me the "grown-up" questions, you know, things like when to file taxes, how to apply for graduation, can you proofread my resume, etc, etc. Things I know because I'm "older."
Which is weird because all my friends are at least my age or a few years older. But I'm telling you, I'm maturing faster than everyone else and I always have.
I think it might be because I started school a year early, so I was always trying to keep up with my friends who were doing things that I shouldn't have been attempting for at least another year.
But somehow it made me old. Just the thought of going down to the bars on Thursday or Friday night makes me want to head right to the bed and snuggle under the covers with a thick glossy magazine. And I'm okay with that.
I've only been out to clubs twice. Maybe three times. That's it. My younger sister at Howard has been to more parties her first semester freshman year than I did all four years of college. Wow. Mind you, she did all that partying without even being 18 most of the semester (not to say she participating in underage drinking, 'cause she wasn't...and if you were, I'm gonna get you!).
I guess I'm saying all this to say three things:
1) I'm graduating from college and I've never been drunk. Something seems odd about that. I've barely had any liquor these past four years. My first actual drink was about two months ago, when the hubby and I had a rare date night and I ordered a strawberry daiqiuri.
2) And speaking of my other half, maybe that's why I feel so old. How many college students do you know that are married? With a kid? And under 25? It's not too many of us out there....
3) I know what a lot of people think. Truthfully sometimes I think it too. They look at me and wonder why I settled down so early, why I had a kid before I had a degree, why I had my wedding ring before I had my honor cords. But things don't always happen the way we want in the order we want when we want it to happen. That's one thing I've learned over this past year. I had to stop trying to force things to happen and let life take over.
Labels:
personal ramblings
4 comments:
The fact that you're blazing you own path and not falling in with the rest of the world is admirable. It's definitely a strength...something you should be proud of!
Yeah, Tara, you just amaze me.
If only I would'nt have partied so much in college and stuck to the books like you, it would've saved me a lot of heartache.
Your parents and God must have really instilled positive values in you that have only worked to improve your direction of much success in life.
Believe me, partying ain't all it's cracked up to be: Just look at all the starlets that have fallen as a result of it.
It's funny...Even though I have a kid and a hubby, I still live on campus in one of those staff apartments, since the hubby works for the university.
I'll be sitting on the couch Friday night, and I'll hear students outside, laughing their heads off 'cause they're drunk, and I just think, "Why isn't that me?"
But then the moment passes and I realize that by choosing the path I've chosen, I might reach my goals five to ten years before the people who got drunk three to five times a week...
So I guess it pays to be lame, huh? LOL
Just give yourself time- in a few more years you'll already have an accomplished career, established your family, and be looking forward to an enjoyable stable future. You are blessed but just differently (and far earlier) than most of your peers.
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