Words 'n' Such

Stay-at-home motherhood? What's that?

2008-10-08T08:17:00.003-05:00

During my maternity leave, I've discovered two things: One, I am going to miss my kids when I go back to work. Two, there is no way I could be a stay-at-home mom.

Don't those two emotions conflict? Yeah, I guess they do. But as much as I love my kids, as much as I want to be the one who feeds them and plays with them everyday, the reality is Mommy has to go to work.

I don't see how we could manage with just one income. True, we'd save a boatload of money by not worrying about childcare, but still. With the way the economy is, and the price of everything skyrocketing, I like the idea of a two-income family, if for no other reason than to make me feel more secure about being able to provide for my kids.

But historically, haven't black women always worked outside the home? Isn't this a cultural thing? Isn't this just what we (black women) do? Give our all in all areas of our lives?

Truthfully, I didn't even know being a stay-at-home mom was an option. When I found out I was pregnant with my son, I told my boss and she asked if I was planning to come back to work after he was born. I looked at her with a confused look on my face. "Why wouldn't I come back?" I thought to myself.

Then I realized. Some women (who are fortunate enough to have the means financially) say Adios to the working world once their children are born. I've never even considered it.

What do you think? Should women stay home? Is it smart? Better for the kids?

In the midst of a recession...

2008-10-05T18:44:00.002-05:00

Why does a recession have to hit when I finally have a decent job? It's like the economy was just waiting for me to finally get some money so the price of gas, and food, and well...life can increase.

I'm in need of a side-hustle for real, y'all. While my hubby and I can finally be considered middle-middle class (a huge come-up from 2007), we also added a new kid to the mix. We've got big ambitions for our family, one that includes purchasing a home in next year. We originally planned on buying a home about seven months ago, but instead moved into an apartment to give us more time to bulk up our down payment.

Apartment living is okay, but I'm in desperate need of a place to call my own. A place where I can paint the walls and customize the kitchen and let the kids run around outside without worrying about the neighbors' dog. A place where I don't hear the thumps and bumps upstairs at 3 a.m.

I've analyzed our expenses and short of canceling my Netflix subscription, there's not much we can do to cut costs. I already cut back on food and our cell phone bill. I'm still driving my 1997 Buick, so there's no car note there. We don't go out much, and our daughter's daycare is the cheapest (yet still suitable) we could find.

So, the answer is to bring in more income. I'm willing to work nights and weekends if it means we can move into our own home sooner. Although I hate the way the economy is right now, I want to give my kids the world.

Palin did not perform well...please stop saying she did

2008-10-03T06:00:00.002-05:00

I'm up at 7 a.m., even though my two babies are still sleeping and I have nowhere to be because I had to write something about that VP debate I saw last night.

Biden WON hands down. Get over it already.

I'm so tired of people saying Gov. Sarah Palin did an excellent job last night. No, she didn't. She didn't. She didn't.

With the way the country is right now, with all the financial ruin that is around the corner, the state of our education system, our energy crisis, our inability to win and finish a war that is costing us not only soliders' lives, but billions every month...why are we even looking at her seriously?

I think a bit of sexism must be discussed. She stood there during the debate and didn't answer the questions, even freakin' acknowledged that she wouldn't be answering the questions, just kept to her talking points of "energy," "maverick," "reform," "American people," no matter what the context. She would call Obama to task for something, Biden would promptly shut it down and prove her wrong and then she couldn't say anything else except, "Um....your plan is a white flag of surrender." WTH?

She had set the bar so low the past two weeks that the fact she managed to stay standing the whole time and managed to say, "energy," "maverick," "reform," etc, impressed the heck out of people. But not me.

Everyone is giving her credit because she was more likable than Biden. More "folksy."

Does "folksy" make you a good president? George W. is folksy. How's the country doing?

Does peppering your speech with a bunch of "y'all" and "ya know" and "darn right"s make you a good politican? Yes, it shows that you're relatable. Good for you. But like I said in my last post, I don't WANT to relate to you. I love Obama, but I can't relate to him. I didn't go to Harvard, I'm not a lawyer, I've never run for public office. That's fine with me. I like Obama for his intellegence.

The fact that America is still taking Sarah Palin seriously scares me. It's like a woman who marries the first guy who makes her laugh instead of waiting for someone who makes her think.

We can do better. We HAVE to do better.

This article pretty much sums up all my feelings about the McCain/Palin ticket...

2008-09-29T21:01:00.003-05:00

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-seitzman/sarah-palin-naked_b_125861.html

The last two paragraphs are especially important:
"Stop voting for people you want to have a beer with. Stop voting for folksy. Stop voting for people who remind you of your neighbor. Stop voting
for the ideologically intransigent, the staggeringly ignorant, and the blazingly incompetent.
Vote for someone smarter than you. Vote for
someone who inspires you. Vote for someone who has not only traveled the world but who has
also shown a deep understanding and compassion for it.
The stakes are real and they're terrifyingly high. This election matters. It matters. It really matters. Let me say that one more time.
This. Really. Matters."
Anyone who knows me knows I ride hard for Team Obama. I watch MSNBC and CNN
regularly for their political commentary and am able to listen to Obama
criticism with an objective view. (Now, Michelle, on the other hand - no one can
talk bad about Michelle.)
But it kills me when the worst thing they can say about Obama is that he's
too intellectual. Too studious, too polished. Can't connect with middle America.
Can't win the affections of the working class. Poll after poll say that people
just don't identify with him, that they can see themselves more in McCain.
That's the worst logic I've ever heard. Do you want a president you can
imagine having beers with? I don't, because in my mind, my president shouldn't
be getting drunk when there's better things to do. Like RUN THE COUNTRY.
Michael Seitzman is absolutely right. We need to vote for people who are
better than us. Smarter than us. Have had experiences that we didn't. I'm not
saying McCain is a dummy, in fact, I think he's incredibly smart, but the whole
notion of voting for someone who is "real" is extremely stupid.
The economic news the past weeks has got me even more passionate about this
election. Whoever we put in office in the next six weeks will determine how we
handle this economic slump we're in, whether we rise like champions or slide
further into financial ruin.
Remember: your vote has power, so make sure you do your homework. Learn about
the issues here and here.

Turn off the lights...Light a candle...

2008-09-11T12:39:00.002-05:00

What is it about parenthood that makes romance so hard? Is it the seemingly neverending stream of poop and vomit? Is it the sheer level of exhaustion at the end of the day that makes it hard to do anything other than to collapse into bed at the first opportunity?

I'm not sure what it is, but I'm fighting with every ounce I have left. While my husband and I are still considered newlyweds (15 months and counting!), we certainly don't act like it. More often than not, we're bickering with each other, getting on each other's nerves. But we do love each other. More than anything. I married that man because I believed we had what it took to stay together when times are good and bad, happy or sad. (Shout out to Al Green.)

But when you have two kids, the effort it takes to be nice to one another increases. I find it hard to be happy to see him after a long day at work if I know he's going to head straight to the couch to watch SportsCenter and I haven't sat down all day. It's hard for him to be nice to me, if all I do is nag him about taking the diapers outside and picking up the kids' prescriptions.

But we try to keep that spark alive, the same spark that enabled us to have two kids in four years. Tomorrow we're going on our first real date since before baby number two arrived on the scene and I'm so excited it's like it was when we first started dating. I can't wait to hold his hand on the way there, or give him a kiss when it's over and tell him how much I enjoyed the evening. I love being in love and it's easier when we're alone to feel that same glow I felt four years ago.

But the kids are here and aren't going away, so we'll have to find a way to keep the romance alive even when the kids are still awake. Wish us luck!

A Whole Life Ahead of Me...

2008-08-29T13:53:00.002-05:00

I feel so good lately. Not really physically (my body feels like crap) but emotionally. Let's all pause and take advantage of my good mood 'cause with all these postpartum hormones it might only be a hop, skip and a jump to Crankytown.

I am enjoying time with my son, and learning what it means to be a mother all over again. I'm learning more patience than ever. When you have one child that's screaming for you and another, more helpless child screaming for you, you have to make a decision: tend to one physically, comfort the other one verbally. It's been a balancing act. I feel like I don't give enough attention to my almost 2 year old, who is really still a baby herself. But that's something that will get better in time.

With this child, I'm happier than I had been with my first. With my daughter, I was completely overwhelmed and wanted more than anything for my life to go back to normal. Go back to the days where I could sleep in and not worry about...well, anything. Go back to the days where I could browse stores in the mall all day just because I had nothing else to do and the clothes I picked off the rack actually fit and I didn't worry about covering up my out of shape belly.

Now? I've adjusted. I know this period of sleeplessness, oh-my-god-kid-didn't-I-just-feed-you?, you-pooped-again?-and-again?, now-I-have-to-change-your-clothes-for-the-third-time-today, will pass soon. He'll get older and I won't get to cuddle with him, because he'll think he's a big boy and doesn't need his mommy anymore. I know this, because I'm going through it with my older one. Who would've thought kids under two are dying for their independence?

So I'm just trying to take it a day at a time, holding him as much as I can, making sure the memories of this time are burned into my mind. Some might say that I've missed out on a lot having children at 22, and I can't deny that I've had to make sacrifices. Suffice it to say, my kids and my husband are now my priority. Period.

But then again, I'm only 22. Meaning, by the time my youngest is 18 and heading to college, I'll be 40. Assuming I live to about 80 (longevity runs in my family), that's 40 years of child-free living. I'll have plenty of time to do whatever and go wherever then. But for now, I'm enjoying watching my children grow up. That's enough for me.

Introducing the newest member of the family....

2008-08-13T17:14:00.002-05:00

Welcome to the world, son! Mommy and Daddy love you very much already!

The big day has arrived!

2008-07-29T20:27:00.003-05:00

Don't get too too excited - I'm still pregnant.

But my side hustle that I told you about is ready to be unveiled. It's not in its most polished form yet, but I figured, let me promote this thing a little bit to give me some motivation to keep it going - especially once baby #2 gets here.

So here it is - Young Mommy Chronicles, a place where young moms (who I classify as being 25 or younger when they had their first child) can come chat, learn some new tips and share experiences.

I know that being a young mom can be isolating. Most of your friends are all single and childless. They think nothing of jetting off to Vegas for a quick trip, or dropping $100 on a new pair of shoes. Meanwhile, you're clenching your jaw every month as you pay an arm and a leg for daycare, just wishing for a chance to go somewhere other than the grocery store or to work.

I hope that you check the site out, even if you're not a young mom. A lot of the articles I post have to do with finances and pop culture, so you can participate in the discussion even if you don't have young ones running around.

But please, do check it out and let me know what you think. A more formal site will be coming soon, with forums and an e-mail newsletter. I plan on including interviews with other moms who will share their tips on making it to 30 with their sanity intact! If you'd like to be featured, shoot me an e-mail at youngmommychronicles@gmail.com.

What does it take to be a good mother?

2008-07-22T18:45:00.002-05:00

The days of having only one child are slowly coming to an end and I'm overwhelmed with conflicting emotions. On one hand, I feel like my life is suddenly making sense. On the other, I feel like my world is about to be completely out of control. (For those who truly know me, know that I'm a total control freak.)

These past 20 months with Ayanna have taught me a lot about motherhood. I thought I had an idea of what a good mom was - someone who loves their child more than life itself, someone who has unwavering patience and an inclination to parent with love at all times.

But putting those things into practice everyday is harder than I thought and I'm still learning what it means to be a good mother.

I truly struggle with motherhood. Everyone who sees me, sees the mom that I want them to see. No, I'm not at home beating my daughter or anything like that, but I get frustrated with my parenting abilities on a daily basis. Every day I'm wondering if I did this right or if I did something wrong, or if I'll ever learn how to do X-Y-Z. It's a constant guessing game.

Now that I'm about to have two kids, I wonder: Will I ever feel like a mommy vet? Will I ever truly feel like I know what I'm doing? Will I ever just get it? Or does it take a lifetime of parenting, of loving, of teaching, in order to feel secure in your abilities?

All I know is that I love my kid(s). Love 'em to death. Would do anything for them. Will do anything for them. I think when your kids know the truth behind those statements, that's when you are a good mother.

It's Almost Here!!!

2008-07-14T19:11:00.002-05:00

Yes, the newest addition to my family is almost here (less than a month to go!), but that's not what the title of this post refers to.

Over the past two months, I've been working on a side project that will (fingers crossed!) earn me enough money to call it a side hustle. Right now, I'm just trying to make sure it was sustain itself, especially since I decided to start it when I was six months pregnant. Probably not the best time to start a new "business," huh?

But I saw a void and thought I could fill it. I didn't want to wait until my life calmed down and felt normal again, because that could take years.

You'll get more details in the coming days, as I plan to launch it officially in the next week. I'm soo excited, can you tell? I'm not really spilling on what it is, but if you're a young mom or know someone who is, this is for you!

Stay tuned!

A Day in the Life of a Mommy...

2008-06-23T16:30:00.005-05:00

Want to know why I haven't been blogging lately? Two reasons: Because I'm pregnant and it's the summer.

That is ALL that is going on with my life right now. I'm concentrating on getting this child that's growing inside of me to a healthy weight and getting him or her OUT. That's me at about 7.5 months. Seven and a half months!!! It's ridiculous how big I'm getting. Let me remind you that I'm only 4'11''.

This pregnancy has worn me out, more than I thought it would. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I spent the first three or so month hunched over a toilet, the next three months in hot and crowded New York City with a two hour commute to and from work, and then the last three months trying to figure out how to balance pregnancy with being a college student. (I had to sit sideways in my seat for the last month because I was too big to fit in the desk. Nice, right?)

But this pregnancy makes that one look like a walk in the park. Every day I wake up and it's like I'm a contestant in the game show, "Which Pregnancy Discomfort Do You Have Today?" It's always something - backache, my feet hurt, feeling like I'm going to vomit, pain in my hip, shooting pains up my thigh. But the bonus is that now I have a toddler to chase after. With my first pregnancy, if I didn't feel well, I simply waddled over to the couch and sat down.

Now? I get to sit down after eight, which is when the princess goes to sleep. Until then, the princess needs to be taken care of, which usually falls under my responsibility, since her father takes the morning shift. Plus, she seems to prefer my service to her father's.

That leaves me with nothing to blog about. Yes, there have been a few situations in the past couple weeks that warranted a blog post, but the biggest thing on my mind these days is welcoming the newest addition to my family and until that happens, everything else is just....blah.

So thanks for sticking around long enough to listen to me vent. I needed that. Thanks.

My Life Has Been Changed....

2008-06-03T20:16:00.002-05:00

YES WE CAN!

I feel like an adult!

2008-04-27T20:59:00.003-05:00

So...

We've moved!

Which is partially the reason why things have been so crazy around my way, and why I haven't been blogging as much I used to. Well, that and the fact that work is altogether busy, and I'm trying to step up my game in all aspects of my life. Meaning, I'm focusing on being a better mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, etc.

But back to the moving!

We've found a nice new place that's about 15 minutes from where we used to live, but now my commute to work is shorter PLUS each kid can now have his or her own room. How fabulous is that?

We've bought REAL furniture and I can't tell you how good it feels to come home after work and sit on a nice couch and not some dorm-room, college-style furniture. Hallejuah!

This week will probably be a mixture of unpacking and settling in, and preparing to enjoy the summer ahead. I've already got plans to take the little one EVERYWHERE this summer, so she can get as much mommy and daddy time as possible before the new baby comes and she is forever stuck as the Big Sister. Three months to go...man, am I nervous! But I guess that's a part of life, of being an adult.

Will it ever end?

2008-04-22T19:06:00.002-05:00

I am so sick of this presidential election.

I'm tired of the commentators, the primaries, the delegate count, the popular vote, the superdelegrate conversation - EVERYTHING. Everywhere I look, everything I hear, everything I see has to do with who will occupy the White House in January 2008. As much as I want that person to be Barack Obama, I'm a little tired of hearing about it.

The back and forth between Hillary and Obama is getting old - quick. I mean, I know she's not running just to personally piss me off, but come on! Someone throw in the towel - please!

No matter what the returns in Pennsylvania say, I say let's call this thing! Let's unify the Democratic party and look forward to November. I beg you!

Tomorrow is THE day...

2008-03-03T18:01:00.003-05:00

I've been on the sidelines this election season, listening to the radio and TV hosts make predictions about how Hillary's faring, Obama's rock star appeal and the rise of the new young voter.

I admit, Obama has had me intrigued for about a year now. When he first announced he was running for president last February, I was curious: How would this fare out? Would he be taken seriously? Is America ready for this? Heck, am I ready for this?

As the months wore on, I found myself becoming enamored with this gentleman from Illinois. Every time I heard his voice on the TV, I would drop whatever I was doing and listen. There's just something about his speech, his delivery, his essence, his - dare I say it? - his swagger. Yeah, I said it. I love Obama's swagger.

I read an article about Obama in my favorite magazine, Essence, maybe six months ago. In it, he talked about having the conversation with his daughters about being president. The writer made the point that how many black dads can say that they've had that conversation? I know my dad never talked to me about his run for the highest office. He was more concerned with paying for my expensive private-school tuition.

In that article, Obama also made a point that made me a hardcore supporter. He said that if he wins the presidency, once America sees Malia and Sasha running around on the front lawn of the White House, it will change the way America sees little black girls. Once Michelle Obama is First Lady, it changes the way America looks at black women, and therefore, it changes the way America looks at itself.

That is so profound to me.

Plain Dealer columnist Regina Brett wrote in her column today about voting for Hillary Clinton because she realizes the chance of voting for a woman for president might not ever happen again. Good point. A lot of my friends are on the Hillary-for-Prez bandwagon and I admit I was too at one point, very early in the election process. They want to see a woman in the White House. I can't argue with that.

But having a black man in the White House, as president, is just something I have to see come to fruition. I can see myself in Barack, much easier than I can see myself in Hillary. Perhaps I'm too young to really understand sexism. Maybe because I went to an all-girls high school I believed I was as smart as any guy out here so I don't fall back on gender as an excuse.

I guess what I'm really saying is that I see myself as a black woman, rather than a woman who is black. I don't have much in common with most white women I know. When I see a white woman walking down the street, I don't get the common "How's it going?" nod that I get when I see a black man. There's something about the bond of black folks that won't let me let this chance slip away.

So I'm voting for Barack. Not just for me, but for my kids. When they get old enough to go to school, when they see all the pictures of presidents, they'll see (FINALLY!!!) someone who looks like them, who has their same skin color.

And people say, "Well, Barack's not really black. He's biracial." True. Very, very true. But I genuinely believe that America doesn't recognize biracial people as their own "race." One drop rule still prevails, unfortunately. And if one drop is black (or African, as in Barack's case), then you are lumped in with all the other "black folks."

But this election isn't about race. It isn't about gender. It's about what you want for yourself and future generations. And I want someone in the White House who looks like me, who knows what it's like to defy odds and do the impossible. I want to put someone in the White House that the system is made to block out. I want a president who looks like my daddy.

Has it really been three weeks since my last post?

2008-01-30T18:37:00.000-05:00

Time is flying! It's almost February!

So much has been going on my life. I finally started a retirement account, am in the process of house-hunting, taking care of baby #1 while preparing for baby #2, trying not to let the morning sickness and overall lack of energy keep me from performing well at work, and trying to keep the romance alive between me and the hubby. I had no idea being an adult was so time-consuming.

I remember being 12 or 13 and wanting to be grown SO.BAD. To me, being an adult meant that you had your own place and car, could go wherever you wanted, didn't have to ask permission for anything, could stay up late, go on vacations, etc. Which is true, but I didn't realize that to do all those things you'll have to work really hard. *Sigh* Where did the time go?

I'm trying to take everything one day at a time, just be as organized as I can, and go with the flow. So far, so good!

Some things in life just aren't fair....

2008-01-07T21:27:00.000-05:00

Like this, for instance. How is it that she is looking so friggin' flawless? At 40 and pregnant??!?! Her ankles aren't even swollen! Argh!

Are the holidays over?

2007-12-31T11:23:00.000-05:00

Christmas is very different when you're a mom. True, this is my second Christmas with a little one, but this was the first one where she actually kind of knew it was a special day. She kept looking suspiciously at the tree, as if she expected it to talk. She would drag all the presents from under the tree, even if they weren't hers, because in her mind, why would we have presents that weren't for her? Foolish!

Next Christmas will be even more crazy because I will have TWO little ones. Yup, your girl is expecting again. So the little one gets to have a little brother and sister for the next holiday go-round.

Am I excited? Yeah, I'm ready. We both have full-time jobs now, so money (finally!) isn't an issue. I'm ready to see how we do with two, how the transition goes, how much Ayanna likes/dislikes being the older sister. I'm exicted for all the changes to come: we need a bigger place, a bigger car, a better organization system, etc.

It seems like once I finally catch my breath and get comfortable, something else happens.

Funny how life happens.

So many updates, so little time...

2007-11-25T19:38:00.000-05:00

I am in the full holiday spirit this year.

First, my daughter turned one last Tuesday, marking a huge milestone in both of our lives. I'm fully determined to make every year as wonderful as the first one was. We finally had professional pictures taken, as you can see for yourself. Let me tell you, it's a lot harder getting that child to sit still and smile than I though it was going to be. Thank God we managed to get a few good shots!

My Thanksgiving was lovely, with my brother-in-law and his beautiful girlfriend stopping by. (They even complimented me on my cooking!)

I woke up Black Friday ready to shop and knocked four people off my Christmas list.

My very special 22nd birthday is tomorrow (woo hoo!) and I have no idea if I'm doing anything special (the hubby already took me out for dinner and a movie...side note: go see This Christmas when you get a chance. It made me wanna be the matriach of my family!)

I have a very special night out on the town planned for myself and the hubby next weekend. Not as much as I'd like to do, but with my budget still in "recent college grad" status, I'm not able to spoil my baby as much as I'd like. Still, it should be fun. I plan on taking lots of pictures, so hopefully you'll get to see a few.

What Really Grinds My Gears...

2007-10-22T17:49:00.000-05:00

Clevelanders are walking around today moping because the beloved Indians lost to Boston Red Sox last night, essentially collasping in Game 7 despite leading the series 3-1. Everyone's talking about the sports curse that seems to be plaguing Cleveland. "The Shot," "The Fumble," "The Whatever."

People need to be thinking about a different problem going on in the city right now and it has nothing to do with the World Series.

It really pisses me off that everyone is so upset about the Indians losing when we are losing a battle everyday in our city. So the Indians won't get to the World Series. We've gone 50-plus years without a victory, another one won't kill us.

But you know what will? The senseless violence going on in our streets and in our community.

I waver between wanting to get involved, attend some rallies, listen to what the city leaders have to say about this epidemic. Then on the other hand I want to pack my daughter up and move away from Cleveland as fast as I can. The town I live in might be boring as all get out, but at least it's safe. I can push my daughter around in her stroller without worrying about a stray bullet hitting her.

Every single solitary day I check Cleveland's paper and there is another homicide reported. This is ri-damn-diculous. Enough already. If I see another headline reporting that someone under 25 has been gunned down I am going to scream. Black males are indeed dying. What can I do? What can I do?

Even if you don't live in Cleveland, but in other urban metro area, your city might be experiencing a crisis like this. It has got to stop.

I don't know what I'm going to do, if it's volunteer with some at-risk youth, or become a Big Sister. I don't know yet. But I need to do something. I only hope others feel the same way.

Funny How Much Things Change!

2007-10-15T08:58:00.000-05:00

Dear Darling Daughter,

I can't believe it is almost November. Almost a year has passed since I gave birth to you, wonderful Ayanna. You changed my life in ways I could never have imagined.

Before I had you, I thought my life couldn't get any better. I had an amazing boyfriend, great friends, a bright future in the career field I had chosen. And then I found out I was pregnant.

I admit, I wasn't like the women you see in the movies or in the EPT commercials. I was so scared. Scared because I had never even held an infant before, and now I was going to be responsible for one. Scared because I wasn't fully out of my parent's house, yet I was going to be responsible with providing a house for you.

When I held you in my arms for the first time in the nursery, I thought you were the cutest, brightest baby I had ever seen. Also the sleepiest! I think I only saw your eyes for maybe 10 minutes that first day. I guess childbirth took a lot out of both of us.

Your father was amazing during this time. He was so kind and loving with you. He knew just how to hold you to get you to stop crying.

As the months went on and I learned more about you, I realize we have so much in common already. Even as an infant you are so curious about everything, not just about what things are, but how they work. You're always taking the batteries out of the remote, or pressing buttons on the DVD player, or trying to type on the keyboard when I put you in my lap.

There have been several moments of frustration where I felt like I wasn't the best mother. I admit I questioned God's decision to give you to me. Why couldn't I get it effortlessly? Why did I struggle with certain things, like putting you to sleep or getting you to eat solid foods? Shouldn't these things come naturally?

But as time wore on, those things got easier and I no longer worried whether I was doing a good job. Your smile said it all.

As the first year draws to a close, all I can say is that I'm sad it went by so fast. Now you're walking and beginning to talk and the little baby I held in the nursery is long gone. Now you're on a new stage of development, one that promises I'll be chasing you around.

Always remember that I love more than life itself. You are the most precious thing in the world to me. If ever you need anything, whether it's just someone to listen, or a hug, just ask and I will be there. I'm your mother, and I love you.

Love,

Mom.

Cleveland is in trouble

2007-09-23T14:09:00.000-05:00

I never realized how much of a suburban girl I was until this summer.

This summer, I began working for the Cleveland Foundation, a community foundation in downtown Cleveland that receives money from donors willing to support change in Cleveland and disperses it to deserving nonprofit and governmental agencies across Northeast Ohio.

To keep current on things in Cleveland, I make it a point to read the Plain Dealer every day.

It seems like every day since the beginning of summer, I log onto Cleveland.com and discover that overnight, while my family and I were sleeping peacefully, a young adult was murdered.

This morning I read about Brandon Marshall, a bright, yet troubled 16-year-old who was shot in the leg because he didn't have permission from gang leaders to be in a certain area. He was on his way to his aunt's house.

What kind of city am I holding on to? What is going on? I can't even imagine not being able to walk where I wanted to walk just because some local drug dealers decided it was their territory. Where are the cops?

The long list of murder victims this summer alone troubles me. I wonder, why are people killing each other? It might be the result of media coverage, but why does it seem like all the violence in Cleveland is black-on-black crime?

I always say I love Cleveland, but maybe what I mean is, I love Cleveland Heights, the racially diverse suburb where I grew up, which is still relatively safe.

I don't know anything about drug dealers. I know a little about drugs, but have no idea where to buy them. I realize for some Cleveland residents, they don't have to go very far. Right next door. Up the street. Around the corner. Plenty of places to get that fix.

What can I do? I think to myself as I keep reading these stories of young people gunned down simply because of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I understand some tragedies can't be avoided, but a young girl stopping at the corner store to buy candy shouldn't be shot and killed as she leaves.

This has got to stop. I know I get scared when I have to drive through certain sections of Cleveland at night, but I have no idea how terrifying it must be to actually live there.

I pray for all the families of the victims. May God bless you.

I've got a new attitude!

2007-09-18T21:14:00.000-05:00

(Okay, okay, I admit I did sing a little of that Patti LaBelle song while typing the title of this post...)

I'm in a good place right now, probably because for the first time in my life, I'm content right where I am. I have a great job doing something worthwhile for the community, I freelance on the side, I have a wonderful husband who makes me feel lucky every day I have him in my life, an adorable daughter who is growing up (too) fast, I have great family and friends, I've been working out lately and eating healthier. To sum it up - life is good.

Just wanted to let you all know *wink*

New article at VibeVixen.com

2007-09-15T21:02:00.000-05:00

Hello peeps! I'm back!

FYI, Chicago was fun. I really want to do it big next time I go though. Each time I've been to Chi-town it's only been for a weekend, so I feel like I'm missing a lot. Next time I'm going for AT LEAST four days.

Also, I have a new article up at VibeVixen.com titled Spin the Bottle. Hit up the site every once in a while, as I've been pitching like mad over there. Show me some love, especially since the print version folded. We've got to continue to support each other!

Chi-town, here I come!

2007-09-06T13:55:00.000-05:00

In my opinion, one of the most fabulous things in life is going on a road trip with someone you love.

This weekend, the hubby and I are dropping off the doll-baby with her grandparents and heading to Chicago for his cousin's wedding! I can't wait. I love weddings. I love seeing the giving away, the newlyweds exchanging vows, the first kiss, the proclamation of marriage, the bouquet toss, the cake-cutting, the first dance, everything! I seem to have a newfound appreciate for it now that I'm married.

Being the good wife that I am, I'm planning on taking the hubby out to dinner Saturday night (the wedding's on Sunday). Anyone have any suggestions on where to go?

Dear Halle Berry, (A few tips on pregnancy from someone who's been there...)

2007-09-04T20:34:00.000-05:00

Wow, Halle, this is kind of weird. I remember watching you in Strictly Business (still one of my favorite movies) when I was younger, thinking I wanted to be just like you when I grew up. Smart, beautiful and successful.

Now I check the headlines and everyone is confirming that you are, in fact, pregnant with your first child, with your boyfriend Gabriel. Well, I'm happy for you. Happy that you will be able to experience the rush of pregnancy and motherhood that you said you wanted. Not to mention that your kid will be goregous!

You've had a lot of successes in your career thus far. Introducing Dorothy Dandridge. Monster's Ball. Boomerang. Losing Isiah. Jungle Fever. You've been great in every movie I've seen you in and now you're taking on your biggest role by far: Motherhood.

Let me tell you, as someone who's approaching her first year on the job and can vividly remember all the screaming nights (me) and fitful mornings (baby), it's no cakewalk.

It's not all rainbows and butterflies. In fact, for the first month or so (really until that little angel starts sleeping through the night), just know that you won't be yourself. You'll be stressed and tired and cranky and tired. Sleep deprivation is a method of torture, did you know that?

I know what you're thinking: I'm rich, I can hire help, It'll be fine. That may be so, but you are still the kid's mother. Every single day, it's your responsibility to care for this little one. Crazy, right?

But don't get me wrong: The positives definitely outweigh the negatives. Something about your kid's smile will melt your heart and hearing a giggle from a newborn is the most beautiful sound in the world.

Good luck, Halle! I'm rooting for you!

Keep living, keep writing....

2007-08-30T11:12:00.000-05:00

I went out to lunch with my boss the other day and we had a nice discussion about everything - men, marriage, juggling the demands of motherhood, etc. And then she asked me a question I wasn't prepared for...

"So what's new with you? What have you been up to besides work and taking care of your little one?"

Seems like an easy question on the surface, but I struggled to come up with an answer. Why is it I couldn't think of a single thing to tell her? Is that all I do now?

And as I thought about it some more after we got back to the office, I realized I truly have been all work and no play. I wanted to go to the Beyonce concert here in Cleveland a few weeks ago, but didn't. I didn't have the money. I wanted to go to Crocker Park in Westlake, someplace I've never been, but wanted to check out, but I didn't. I didn't have the time.

Sure, I'll chat with my friends and they'll come over and laugh with me, eat some good food, watch a movie or two, play with my daughter. We always have fun. But I feel kind of...in a rut, I suppose.

Especially when it comes to this blog. I'm tired of writing about what I think about the fabulous life of some celebrity or the latest major move someone else has just made. I want to be that fabulous chick who has a new story to tell every day. I don't want to be boring.

So I've made some changes in my life. I promise myself that I will do what makes me happy. Whether that's starting a new hobby, working out more, or becoming a beauty junkie (I'm well on my way :) I want to just enjoy life, not just live it.

Either way, I'm going to keep writing. So I might as well have something interesting to write about, right?

Take care,

Tara

Remember how I said I loved my job....?

2007-08-27T20:22:00.000-05:00

Well, I still like it, but I feel like something's missing.

Writing. That's what it is.

Sure, I get to write press releases and short articles for the numerous newsletters we produce, but I yearn to write a well-written, well-researched article with more than two sources that has the ability to affect people. Is that so much to ask?

I love stumbling upon a topic, doing some research, hunting down people to interview, then transcribing the interviews and then sitting down to create a masterpiece. It's fun to me. So while I am doing good work at a place that has a huge impact on the daily lives on Greater Clevelanders, I still feel like a part of who I am is sleeping.

Does anyone get what I mean?

Kimora Lee Simmons lives in the fab lane...

2007-08-13T09:07:00.001-05:00

...And I wanna be just like her!

For the past two weekends, I've been glued to my TV at 8 p.m. Sunday watching the Style Network for my new favorite show, Kimora: Life in the fab lane.

I thought I was going to hate it. I thought she was going to be a bossy, manipulative super-diva with no regard for anyone but her fabulous self.

I was wrong. Well, she is bossy. And a diva. But she is so fabulous.

The thing I love most about her? The fact that she does everything with those two little adorable girls by her side. Going over the final version of the KLS Barbie? She asks them for their opinion. Picking out a dress to wear to the Vanity Fair party? She gives the girls the extra fabric from one of her dresses and they parade around, pretending to be extra fierce like their mama.

I used to dislike Kimora because I read once that she had a nanny and she was proud of it. But looking at her life now, it would be almost impossible to do half the things she does now if she didn't have a full-time nanny.

Even with a nanny, she struggles and shows that beneath the fabulous clothes and fabulous cars, and fabulous jewelry, there's a mom who still wants to give her children the best she can.

My favorite moment of the show so far? When her girls made their mom some cake and left it out with a note saying how much they loved her. Kimora had been complaining the whole show how she was on a diet and she was hungry and she had to be a size 2. But when she saw what her kids did for her, she scarfed it down without a second thought. Loved it.

So despite what I previously thought about Kimora, I have to give her props on handling her business. Especially with the babies.

Attitude adjustment

2007-08-10T12:51:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to make a lot of changes in my life these past couple months, which primarily includes making a huge effort to be the best wife I can be. (Two months of bliss and counting!) I wanted to fall in love with my husband all over again and doggone it, I think I've done that.

Over the past couple months I've thought to myself, "Did I shortchange myself by getting married so young?" I'm sure countless others would say yes, but for the record, I'll have to say a whole-hearted "No."

There simply are no words to describe our relationship. No words to say how incredible I feel when I'm with him. It feels like God has blessed me, has shown me divine favor. I feel like I'm living a miracle every day.

We just simply "get" each other. We know what to say or what to do and our relationship just works. I know when to hold my tongue, he knows when I need to be left alone, and we just work together as team. I have NEVER been happier.

I used to be annoyed with him on a daily basis. Sure, I loved him to pieces, but the minute he would say something or do something that I didn't agree with, I would let that color my mood and get me angry. Now I don't. I've know now that he loves me no matter what, so if he goes to the store and forgets to buy formula, I don't trip.

It honestly feels so good I just want to shout!! None of my other friends are married, so sometimes I do feel like the old married lady even though I'm the youngest. And I do wish sometimes that one of them would tie the knot, but only because I want to share my feelings with someone who knows where I'm coming from. But I know that for some, the search for a soulmate doesn't end with the first, second, or even third relationship. I want them all to be happy and thrilled with the love they have.

But this feels so good I can't keep it to myself!!

Sometimes I hate Cleveland....

2007-07-16T13:55:00.001-05:00

Ever since I discovered I wanted to make journalism my career, I found myself in an interesting dilemma: Do I stay in Cleveland and make a go of it here or do I (ultimately) pack it up and move to New York and compete with the hundreds of new hungry journalists every year?

Everytime I think about making that decision it gets harder and harder. Especially since I'm no longer the carefree young grad with no strings and seemingly tons of ambition. I have obligations now, responsibilities that don't allow me to just pick up and move to a city where it's ridiculously expensive.

And Cleveland has been good to me. Decent, affordable houses, decent opportunities, etc. I actually like Cleveland.

My goal right now is to live in Cleveland for the time being, land a job in magazines, and then move to a larger city once our finances are right and it makes sense with our careers. I'm giving it two to three years tops.

But the most aggravating thing is that while I like Cleveland, it's not New York. To be an editor in Cleveland is not the same thing as being an editor in New York. And sometimes I feel like I would be shortchanging myself if I stayed here in my comfort zone.

But really, it's not about me anymore. My decisions aren't 100% based on what makes me happy - the majority of the time it's about what is best for my daughter. Would a New York upbringing be possible? Yes, but I'm not sure that's what's best for her. I want her to be around family and the majority of our respective families are in Northeast Ohio.

So what do I do? Feedback would be greatly appreciated!

My first post in awhile...

2007-07-13T15:13:00.000-05:00

I'm just going to skip over the apologies for not blogging regularly and just jump right in:

Still hunting for that first full-time job, but I can finally say I don't have that edge of despair thing going any longer. I realize that when the right job is meant to come along, it will, and no amount of crying and agonizing over it will help.

Estimated launch date for my new endeavor is...yet to be determined. Still tweaking the design a little, learning as I go.
My new favorite channel is HGTV. I still love the Food Network, but I'm really digging all these design shows. Maybe it's because we're moving soon?

There you go. Three little updates on my life.

Take care!

I Thought I Told That We Won't Stop, Uh-uh...

2007-07-01T17:10:00.000-05:00

A few months ago, I told you I had some things in the works and I'm happy to say that the moment I unveil some of my endeavors is getting closer. I'm tinkering with my new site, trying to get the layout down, have it looking very crisp and very professional, yet at the same time giving it some of my customary flair. It will be hosted by Wordpress, and I haven't really experimented much with them, but from I've seen so far, it's definitely an upgrade. (Sorry, Blogger...it was good while it lasted.) So make sure to check back soon so you can change your bookmarks and all that good stuff. *smile*

Take care

Sigh

2007-06-29T14:17:00.000-05:00

I've been getting yelled at by everyone lately because I haven't updated this here blog regularly and my friends have let me know that it is NOT.ACCEPTABLE.AT.ALL.

Geez, I didn't know you cared so much. *smile*

But what I will say is that between work, taking care of my daughter (and husband, I guess) and looking for a new job that's a wee bit closer to where I live (yeah, that 2.5 hour commute each day is killing me and my car) I've been eating dinner and then collapsing into bed around 9:30 every night. Did I mention I'm 21?

I know truthfully, there is nothing in my life that I should be complaining about. And really I'm not complaining. I'm just thinking, Why do I feel so....old? (Apologies to my over 30 readers) I just think it's interesting that I really do not have much in common with my friends my age. They are, for the most part, still in school and working and having fun and doing all those things you do when you are young and free. I relate much better to my older counterparts, who know firsthand the joys of putting your children to bed, anticipating a night of "quality time" with your hubby, only to have your plans shot to heck when your child realizes he/she isn't quite ready to go to bed despite the fact that mommy and daddy haven't had any "alone time" in quite a while... (I do hope you all know what I'm alluding to with the quotation marks)

I mean, I knew I was old the night of my bachelorette party, when it was 11 pm and one of my friends suggested we go to the club and celebrate properly. We all just kind of looked at each other and said, "Naw, let's just go to sleep." And that's what we did. We went to bed.

But that was fine with me. I enjoy a good night of sleep more than anything right about now. Give me a choice between sleeping for 10 hours in a bed filled with fluffy pillows and 500-count Egyptian cotton sheets or winning $25,000 - well, I'll probably take the money, but I would at least hesitate and think about it for a moment.

Funny how your priorities change as you get older.....

What to do now?

2007-06-27T21:02:00.001-05:00

Man, I have really fallen off in my attempt to blog regularly. I can't believe my last post was two weeks ago. I've been busy, as you can probably guess, with settling into married life and searching for a job like crazy.

I've been reevaluating this blogging thing and wondering if I'm going to continue. It seems like a hassle at this point, especially because I'm not doing it often enough or well enough to get paid for it. I do like to write every day, and blogging gives me an opportunity to do that, but sometimes I just want to come home and relax and not have to worry about it.

But people have been sending me messages, or leaving me comments, saying they miss reading my posts. I honestly didn't know that many people cared whether I wrote something or not. That makes me feel good. So maybe I will continue.

I'm going to sit down this weekend and try to come up with a regular blogging schedule, so maybe this upcoming week you'll see more of me. In the meantime, keep your fingers crossed that one of these jobs I've applied for comes through.

It's official!

2007-06-14T12:45:00.000-05:00

5 days of wedded bliss and counting.....

"Weeks and days leading up to this day, people have asked me am I nervous. They seemed surprised when I told them no. I told them no because I have no doubt in mind that you are the one for me and the one that I need to make my life complete and whole. I get excited when I think about the future and all the potential and the possibilities that we have together. Being and standing strong together with love and God on our side, we can and will conquer all. With God all things are possible and I know that he made you just for me."

~ part of my husband's vows

Are you suffering from 'Beyonceitis?'

2007-06-02T20:17:00.000-05:00

Quick post, then it's time to go back to watching the Cavs beat the Pistons....

Check out this site. Does your favorite singer suffer from 'Beyonceitis'?

It's been a long time...

2007-05-30T21:59:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been more than two weeks since I last updated. I do believe that's the longest I've gone since I started blogging on a regular basis.

Where was I the last time we chatted? Oh yes. The job. Still great. The wedding? Almost here. Which means I will almost have time to devote to this whole blogging thing. Honestly, in the past two weeks, there have been a million things I wanted to blog about, but didn't have the time or energy after coming home from work. Add to the fact that I am not monetizing my blog yet and there is really no incentive for me to keep posting.

So there you have it.

Just to keep you up to date on everything, I'm launching a new personal site soon (once I figure out if I'm going to keep my maiden name or not) where it will be strictly journalism all the time. My new site will focus on my journey and dreams of making it big. I'll chronicle my highs and my lows for all to see. That's originally what this blog was supposed to do, but I got sidetracked and liked to throw in posts about my daughter and JHud, etc, etc.

I can't promise you any more updates within the next week or two, because I'll be on my honeymoon and Lord knows I won't even be thinking about this here blog. :)

So take care of yourselves until next time. Peace.

It's time for an update...

2007-05-15T17:45:00.000-05:00

I really like my job.

And that's a relief.

When I discovered I would be working for a non-profit company in its public relations department, I was a little nervous. I don't know much about PR, except for that week in Media Writing when they taught us the basics of a press release. I don't know much about the non-profit world, although I've always been interested in learning more.

Turns out, I shouldn't have worried. My main job this summer is to assist with the redesign of the website. Once it's up and running, I'll link the URL.

So I've been meeting with department heads, trying to determine exactly what they want their sections to say. It's been interesting. I'm learning a lot, trying to absorb as much as I can.

This definitely wouldn't have been my first choice if you asked me where I was going to be working after graduation. I wanted a magazine job - period. No ifs, ands or butts. Magazine or unemployment. I wasn't trying to consider other options.

But this job is making it hard for me to miss magazines that much. I know this job is only temporary (through September), and I'm confident I'll land at a magazine then, but for now, my job is heaven. My supervisors all have children and the company is so family friendly it's ridiculous. They're letting me work from home some of the time, since they know I have a young daughter and a crazy hour and a half commute to and from work every day.

All in all, it's looking like a great summer. Graduation, wedding, honeymoon (VEGAS, BABY!). I couldn't ask for more.

Random thoughts from a soon-to-be college graduate...

2007-05-10T20:15:00.000-05:00

* Sometimes I wonder if I'm prepared for life after graduation. I like my current position, but like my friend Courtney said, I like knowing how my life is going to be mapped out for the next 15 weeks. I like the security of having a set schedule that I designed. I've been struggling with the change to work, but I think I'm getting the hang out it. Time will tell on how well I do...

*With my graduation, daughter's christening, wedding, etc, coming up within the next 30 days (can someone please tell me why I thought having all these life events at one time was a good idea??) I feel like I'm running in circles some days. I really can't wait for my honeymoon, so I can just kick back and relax. Lord only knows the next time I'll be able to do that.

*I have a serious junk-food habit that I need to kick. The hubby brought home some Swiss Cake Rolls and I immediately wanted to eat the whole box, even though I know I always feel like crap afterward. But my wedding is motivation for me to leave the junk alone! I even have pictures of thin brides all over my kitchen. (Although honestly, I don't even see them anymore and look right past them when reaching for the fattening stuff...lol)

*I've been considering quitting blogging just because I honestly don't have the time to devote to it like I should. If I do something, I don't want to do it half-assed. I want it to be the best. I want to be able to post every day, not just throwing something up there like I've been doing this week. But I'm not sure yet. Maybe after the wedding my life will calm down a bit and I can continue. But if not, I'll be sure to let you know!

Quick Updates....

2007-05-08T17:49:00.000-05:00

I started working last week (if you couldn't tell by my lack of posts). Things are good there. I'm really enjoying it. Pardon my lack of enthusiasm - I just sat in bumper to bumper traffic for far too long. Hello, adulthood.

I graduate on Saturday. Hooray for me!

My daughter gets christened on Sunday! Hooray for her!

That's about all now...I think I have to lay down for a few...

2007-05-03T13:12:00.000-05:00

This article from Slate.com about email addiction is possibly the story of my life. I check my email at least 10 times an hour. If you send me something, wait 10 minutes and check: I'll probably have responded by then.

Life as a single mom...

2007-05-02T19:57:00.000-05:00

The hubby will be gone for three days this week and for the first time, I will be alone with my daughter. For three days. Alone. By myself.

Now, normally, 85 percent of my day is spent taking care of her, so I'm cool with that. But at a certain point in the day, I start anticipating when my hubby is going to walk through the door so I can hand my daughter off and then go lie down and catch my breath. So for three days, I won't have that.

Let's see how well I do.

Behind the scenes of Facebook...

2007-04-30T20:42:00.000-05:00

...AKA "the college addiction."

I knew I had a problem when I realized I couldn't log onto the Internet without checking my Facebook page. I logged on at the library, at the rec, before my shower, after my shower, when I got up in the morning, before I went to sleep. Before class. During class.

But I don't just go on there to see the latest updates in my friends' worlds, but I also like to see the changes to the site. I prefer Facebook over MySpace just because, in my opinion, the layout is so much easier to navigate. Giving people the option to personalize their page (like MySpace does) seems to be a good idea in theory, but whenever I go on there I can't stand the busy backgrounds on the majority of the pages. I don't mind the music playing, because if you don't like the song, you can simply pause it. There needs to be an option where you can "turn off" a user's background. That's where Facebook wins. Sure, everyone's profile looks the same, but that's okay.

Design issues aside, Facebook is nice because its developers are continually upgrading its site and tweaking it to fit the needs of its users. I regularly read the Facebook blog and I love how they describe the thought process that went into making changes to the site.

Maybe I'm just a nerd, but I like it. I love knowing how those decisions are made, because it affects my experience on the site. And considering how much time I spend on Facebook, having a good experience is crucial.

To podcast or not to podcast?

2007-04-29T19:47:00.000-05:00

As I try to land that perfect job (my hunch says its coming soon!), I've been attempting to figure out how I can beef my up skills so I am more marketable to employers. I need to know how to assemble slideshows, shoot video, take pictures, and record a podcast.

Or do I need to know about podcasts?

Truthfully, when I go to various sites, I rarely, if ever, listen to the podcasts. It's like listening to NPR. It takes concentration. If I wanted to work that hard, I'd read a book.

Do you ever listen to the podcasts? Or do you look for video and pictures mostly when checking out the multimedia available on a site?

It's Been A Long Time...

2007-04-29T08:45:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the lack of updates lately. The semester is winding to an end and my days as a carefree college student (ha!) are coming to an end. Between making arrangements for the ceremony and then finishing up my work for the semester, I've been swamped. Add in the fact that my daughter decided she no longer wishes to sleep through the night and I've been downright exhausted. So I hope to hit you up with more posts this week.

On a side note, keep your fingers crossed for me! I interviewed for a new position on Friday and I really hope I get it. The staff seems great, I felt really comfortable in the office and I really really really liked the job description. Prayers would certainly be appreciated!

Until next time...

Please support my side gig...

2007-04-24T18:41:00.000-05:00

As some of you know, I have a weekly interview up at Journalisticks.com where I chat with young college journalists who are on the rise. I've had three so far, my most recent being Marcus Vanderberg, the hilarious blogger found over at AOL Black Voices, author of Everybody Hates Marcus. Check him out here and give me a little buzz in the process...

Hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons suggests changes in hip-hop...

2007-04-23T21:24:00.000-05:00

Check out this USA Today article to see which three slurs Russell Simmons recommends be edited out of all rap music....

Do you think it will help? Or is it just putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound?

Five Tips For Networking...

2007-04-22T16:43:00.000-05:00

As I am rapidly approaching graduation, I'm realizing that I'm a lot better at networking than I was when I entered college four years ago. I used to break out in a sweat at the thought of chatting up people I didn't know, trying to get them to remember me in the hopes that one day our paths would cross again and they would think highly enough of me to help me out in some way.

But, after a few conferences and a high-profile internship under my belt, I feel a lot more confident and I've learned a lot. Some are really obvious, but others it took me a while to learn.
I'm happy to share them with you.

1) Know what you want to do and have it ready for anyone who asks. For many years I made the mistake of telling people I wanted a mentor and would they be willing to fill that role. Most people said sure, they'd be happy to, but we'd fall out of contact and I'd end up being borderline annoying trying to figure out why they didn't have time for the type of relationship I wanted. I realized I fared much better with people when I told them my goals and how I wanted to make them happen. Then they were much more interested in helping me achieve my goals when they knew I wasn't just leaning on them for support.

2) Always, always, always smile and offer a sincere compliment when approaching someone. Now, don't say you like their hair or shoes if you really think they are rather ugly. But for women, this tactic has worked 99% of the time for me. If I'm in a situation, I usually break the ice with women by complimenting them on their shoes. Being the shoe junkie that I am, it leads to a full blown conversation and we end up laughing at our mutual obsession.

3) Look for different ways to network, not just in person. I find that in-person networking is most effective, but when you purely just want to get your name out there, you gotta do it the best way you can. Check MySpace for people you admire. Practically EVERYONE has a MySpace page and you can learn tidbits about people you didn't know and wouldn't have the opportunity to ask within the first five minutes of meeting someone. Leave them a comment or send them a message. Friend them. Make all these social networking sites work for you.

4) Be curious. If you are an artist, find an artist that you like and contact them. If you are a entrepreneur, seek out someone who built their own company from scratch and ask them how they did it. People like talking about themselves and if given the opportunity, they will do so, not realizing that they are actually helping you.

5) Once you do make a contact, follow up with them. I met a journalist in Atlanta during the NABJ convention and she gave me email so I could touch base with her later. A couple months later I saw her byline in Essence and shot her an email saying that I read her latest article and was very impressed. Things like that make a difference.

So there you go. Four years of trial and error all laid out here for you to enjoy. Feel free to add your own tip in the comments.

My Goals for the Future

2007-04-20T10:27:00.000-05:00

My good friend Martin Lindsey has tagged me to list my goals for the future. I actually have a ten-year plan (that was blown to bits when I found out I was pregnant last year), so I have revised it. Here are my goals that I will achieve by 2008:

1) Get a job in the magazine industry. My current job is in public relations. I am applying for this job to be an associate editor at a magazine in the area and I am really really praying that I get it. It's extremely hard to break into this industry where I live, but landing this job will help me make that next step in a larger city.

2)Get this balance of motherhood and career together. I don't trust just anyone to watch my daughter, so I'm having a hard time getting used to the fact that I will, eventually, have to put her in daycare. As unproductive as it makes me, I still like having her sit on my lap while I type.

3)Become a better wife by being nicer to my husband. Sometimes I can be a bitch. There's no other way to put it. For example, yesterday, I was tired and I wanted to lie down for a minute so I tried to hand my daughter to him and I asked him to change her diaper. He told me to put her down and he would get to her in a minute. However, he was just sitting on the couch watching TV.

That set me off. I got upset and called him useless. Useless. Ugh. How mean am I? I tried to apologize but it's gotten to the point where he doesn't even listen to me when I get upset anymore. I don't even think he heard me call him useless.

But just things like that I need to work on. If he said half the things to me that I say to him, I would be mad all the time.

4) This isn't really a goal per se, but I need to get out more. I went out with my friend last night for half-priced appetizers and we arrived at the restaurant about 35 minutes before they closed. No one looked like they wanted to serve us, which is kinda understandable, but I was so upset. I wanted to scream, "Look guys! I don't get out often! If you don't get over here and serve me some food, I'll be forced to go home early and Lord only knows the next time I'll be able to escape!" I'm taking that as a sign.

I'm tagging a few more folks I guess.

1)Meranda

2) Kimberly

3) Insert your name here. That's right, I'm tagging everybody! Let me know what your personal goals are...Keep it going!

BET's first original scripted series to premiere in October

2007-04-19T13:32:00.000-05:00

Okay, anyone wanna guess what it's about?

Yeah, you over in the corner?

"Um..pimps?"

No, that's a good guess but no. You, sir, with the gold teeth?

"Um...hoes!"

Also a good guess, but that's not correct either.

Slackers. Yup. That's right. Slackers.

I'm trying not to rush to judgment, because I haven't actually seen any episodes or know who's in it. But slackers??? Reggie, that's the best y'all can come up with?

Check out the full article here, at USA Today.

We are a part of the problem...

2007-04-19T08:29:00.000-05:00

When I was younger, there were two magazines that I always read: Essence and The Source.

Weird combo, right?

I figured Essence could give me my fix of what was going on with black women even though I was way too young to comprehend much of what was said. I read The Source to learn more about the artists my parents didn't allow me to listen to. I learned about their struggles and what they were trying to say in their music.

But eventually, I stopped reading The Source. The artists became, well, wacker and wacker. And I stopped caring. There was no message.

Check out this interview with Elliot Wilson, editor of XXL magazine, one of the last mags left standing in the hip-hop industry. He's pictured with his fabulous wife, Danyel Smith, editor-in-chief of VIBE magazine.

Here's a little snippet of what Wilson has to say regarding hip-hop and what sells on the newsstands:

"Black and Hispanics started Hip-Hop, people of color making something out of nothing and rebelling against the system. Let’s not forget that Hip-Hop is a rebellious music. It’s like if you not going to let us in we are going to break the door down. Now we fight our need to buy into capitalism and our need to make money and be successful but we’re still the ones that have fought against the system. Whether the music is the most political or just party music, it’s our actions. It’s still based on the “rags to riches” and living the American Dream premise."

Very well, Mr. Wilson, but what about putting artists on your covers who don't demean women or use excessive profanity?

"When I’ve done things that have been against the grain—putting Talib, Mos Def and Dave Chappelle on the cover—it doesn’t sell as well as when I put 50 Cent or Lil’Wayne on the cover. We criticize the lack of diversity but we are attracted to certain types of artists who are charismatic, over the edge, drama. The balance comes from the internet and smaller Hip-Hop magazines, which don’t worry as much about sales. On the web there are so many blogs and sites that champion smaller or lesser known artists and bring them to the forefront."

So what does that tell us? There is enough blame to go around: record labels, artists, consumers. We are all a part of the problem.

Some things I'm thinking as I sit here thinking...

2007-04-18T17:29:00.000-05:00

In the midst of this tragedy, I find myself trying to look on the brighter side of things. Granted, I'm two states away, no one I know was hurt or even attends Virginia Tech, but the non-stop coverage is starting to get to me.

It's times like these that I wonder if I have what it takes to be a journalist. If I was in the Virginia Tech newsroom, would I have been able to cover the story effectively? Would I have had the smarts to ask the right questions, to get the right information and then convey that effectively? I don't know.

I'm a newbie in this industry, so I'm not as hardened to the news and events like some vets are. When I saw the students speaking on what happened, it made me cry. When the one young man described how he pressed the table against the door to keep the gunman from coming into the classroom, he began to cry and I cried with him. I wanted to hug him. If I had been there, as a journalist, interviewing him, I probably would have.

Does that mean I lack the ability to detach myself from an emotional situation? Is that even necessary?

Whatever the case may be, I'm keeping the victims, their families and the students, faculty and staff at Virginia Tech in my prayers. I'm also keeping the shooter's family in my prayers also. I don't know how they are holding up, knowing what their son was responsible for. May God be with them all.

Best coverage of the Virginia Tech tragedy...

2007-04-18T09:00:00.000-05:00

As a journalist, I tend to look at how media outlets cover issues, rather than just absorb the news like a regular consumer. With the tragedy at Virginia Tech, I found that I was logging on two, three times an hour because it seemed like the story was changing by the hour. I looked at front pages of various newspapers the next day (Tuesday morning) and a lot of them had the basics on front - 33 dead, massacre, unknown gunman, etc.

Then I looked at Virginia Tech's own student newspaper and it was, beyond a doubt, the best front page I've seen in a while. Kudos to the staff for getting it right in the midst of such tragedy.

Black Like Me...

2007-04-18T07:28:00.000-05:00

Check out Kiri Davis' moving documentary on the challenges black girls (and women) face being comfortable in their own skin:

Oprah discusses the aftermath of the Imus controversy

2007-04-16T14:34:00.000-05:00

A few bloggers (myself included) were a bit perplexed last week during the peak of the Imus controversy. Oprah, one of the most (if not THE MOST) powerful black women in the world, didn't really speak out about Imus' comments, but instead featuring a segment where audience members learned to "Lean with it, rock with it" and do that stupid motorcycle dance.

She allotted a few minutes to speak with the Reutgers (hope I spelled that right) women's basketball team and praised them for their grace, but that was about it.

But I knew she wouldn't just let it go. Today and tomorrow, Oprah is dedicating her show to talk about the double standard that exists in America. How is it that a white man disses us and we get all up in arms, but if a black man does the same thing, we accept it?

I'm going to watch today, but I'm really looking forward to tomorrow, when Russell Simmons and Common come on the show to give their opinions. I'm really curious to hear Russell's viewpoint and Common too. I like Common (although I haven't listened to his whole CD and have no idea if his lyrics are really as positive as people claim), but I wonder if Oprah will ask him how he feels about collaborating with artists whose message really isn't that positive. Stay tuned...

And on a different note, why is it that every time there's a controversy concerning black folks, Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson come running into the spotlight? Maybe their day-to-day work isn't highlighted, but it seems like I always see them being "reactive" instead of proactive.

I really hope this is a continued discussion, not just a hot topic of the moment.

And, in totally unrelated news, please send a prayer to the families of the victims at Virginia Tech and the students, faculty and staff. May God be with them.

Random thoughts this Friday morning...

2007-04-13T14:27:00.000-05:00

Couple of things on my mind today...

1) Everyone is talking about Michael Jordan and his divorce settlement with ex-wife Juanita. They're like, "Ooh, she's taking him for half," etc. But you know what? I think she deserves the money. Everyone's talking about pre-nup this, and pre-nup that, but truthfully, I don't really believe in them. I guess if he got remarried, perhaps he'd sign one. But take my hubby and I for example. We are both doing "okay." Not great, not spectacular just yet, but just "okay." If my writing career takes off and I suddenly find my getting bylines in tons of mags, my own radio shot, guest stints on shows like "Today" or "The View," etc, what does that mean for my husband? Was he there on the sidelines supporting me? Helping me get to where I am? If so, then maybe he does deserve some money. Same thing with Juanita and MJ. I don't really know what type of wife she was, but we know being married to a superstar like MJ can't be a picnic.

2) I didn't want to weigh in with the Don Imus situation, but I feel like I have to now after hearing some of Snoop Dogg's comments. He says that what Imus said is different from rappers from rappers only call women from the hood hoes. Women who aren't doing anything with their lives.

Sigh. I don't even know where to begin. I'm so over Snoop at this point. I've been disgusted with hip-hop for a while now and haven't listened to a full rap CD since Jay-Z "The Black Album." (Although he's not the most clean-cut rapper either.) But Imus did have a point. Rappers disrespect women right and left. And even if their lyrics don't, their videos sure do. I've had to fight long and hard not to succumb to the video girl ideal and I damn sure don't want my daughter growing up and thinking this is okay. I want my daughter to know her best asset is her brain.

I remember seeing Snoop on the red carpet with the women on the leash and I couldn't believe my eyes. As ugly as Imus' comments were, I don't think it compares to what Snoop did and has done. Why aren't we mad at the rappers? Why is it okay for them to treat women the way they do?

From this point on, I have to be more careful about the music I listen to. I'm not listening to artists whose message I wouldn't want my daughter to hear. [Kind of off the subject, but have you heard Corrine Bailey Rae's CD? It's wonderful.] My upcoming project with Ms. Bowles will help be part of the solution I hope [details coming soon!]

I'm Famous! (Well, almost)

2007-04-13T10:39:00.000-05:00

Thanks to my friend Marty, my first ever interview is up on the Net. Head over to Marty's website to learn more about what I'm up to, how I see my future, and why I'm "That Journalist."

I'm Growing Up....

2007-04-11T16:56:00.000-05:00

I'm getting so old guys.

Here's how I know....

1) I pay attention when food items go on sale. Need to know where oranges are cheapest this week? I'm your chick.
2)What's worse is that I know that actual prices of most of the items in the store. I swore to myself I wouldn't grow up and be like my dad, who would drive to three different stores to do the grocery shopping because the meat at one store would be cheaper here, but the canned goods are a steal over there, and you can't buy fruit at the grocery store, oh, no - we had to drive to the other side of town to the farmer's market. Sigh. But now I'm just like him. We do go to three stores now and I can tell you where to get the better deal.
3)You know how during The Price Is Right they show commericals for products that essentially....well, old people buy? I was watching one the other day and I actually thought to myself, "Man, I'd really love one of those Hoverounds."
4)I want to learn how to knit. Although I hear it's very popular now with the young folks. Oh, man, listen to me..."young folks?"
5) Most people my age aren't thinking about retirement or college savings plans. (We're too busy thinking about that first job or wishing our parents had college savings plans for us...) But I'm looking for a job with benefits. Blue Cross, Blue Shield, Aetna, Medical Mutual...hook a sista up with something! AND I want a company match on my 401(K). Yessir.

The nerve of some people....

2007-04-10T17:12:00.000-05:00

I wound up on the Blogger's Choice Awards homepage today and I have to say I was outraged.

After browsing the site for a few minutes to see if I could find any new interesting blogs, I decided, "Hey, let me do a little search to see if I'm nominated for anything."

I enter in "Thatjournalist" in the little search box and hit Enter.

No results found.

How am I not nominated? Not even in the category of Hottest Mommy Bloggers.

Somebody better do a recount - That's all I'm saying :)

Whew!

2007-04-09T15:00:00.000-05:00

Things have been quite busy around the house lately. Mama's trying to shake things up and because I've been so focused on work and school, let's just say the blog has kind of fallen by the wayside. [My pastor used to say that all the time, about everything. Didn't watch TV last night? You've "fallen by the wayside." Messed up your diet? "Fallen by the wayside."]

But things are good! I might have a new blog coming up in the next few weeks where I get to be associated with a group of powerful black women who are looking to change things. I'm also shooting a few pieces off to VibeVixen.com. Cross your fingers that some appear on the site!

I start working May 1. I'm excited, but at the same time I've grown attached to being with my daughter all day every day. Oh, well, maybe those nice paychecks will help soften the blow.

But the thing I'm most excited about is the new project I have going with Kimberly Bowles. We're still in the planning stages, so nothing's definite, but I have a feeling that what we are doing will change the world.

Man, I'm loving this time of my life. I haven't felt this happy in a loooooooong time and it feels good to just smile because your life is GRAND. The other thing that could make life better is if the weather here in NE Ohio would get the message that it's SPRING, not Winter - the extended mix. Say it with me - "This snow, this snow, this snow has got to go!"

Yeah, I know I'm crazy.

Secrets About Motherhood....

2007-04-07T21:43:00.000-05:00

I'm convinced that if mothers spoke the truth about motherhood, the world's population wouldn't be nearly as high as it is now.

Don't get me wrong - I love my daughter. But I just feel like I ran into a wall. Like a bomb was dropped in the middle of my life.

Why didn't anyone tell me? Why didn't anyone let me know that I'd be exhausted every night, and my arms would ache from lugging my 16 lb bundle of joy around every day? Who knew that The Kid [as I've taken to calling her] would be so much work?

Who knew I'd spend almost every waking minute thinking about her? Is she hungry? Is she wet? Does she need a bath tonight? Did I wash her hair yesterday? Where's her headband? I gotta wash her clothes...Why is she spitting up so much? Man, her poo stinks....

Etc, etc, etc.

I never knew how much I could care about one person. The hubby jokes that The Kid has trained me, because when she cries, I move without thinking, like a robot. I hear her whimper at night and it wakes me up, even though we sleep with the TV on and she's in her room. How does that work?

She said her first word. I don't care if everyone tells me she's just babbling, it's not really "words" quite yet, I don't care. She said MAMA. I heard it and the people around us heard it. She said MAMA.

She can roll over now, thanks in part to the large head she inherited from her mama. All she has to do is lean over a little, and that head provides the momentum.

She can grab things. Hold a rattle in front of her and she reaches for it and sticks it in her mouth. She sticks everything in her mouth. I swear I spend half the day taking things from her.

She laughs. She coos. She smiles. She kicks when she's happy. She squeaks when she's happy.

There are a lot of things I didn't know about motherhood, but I'm glad I'm learning.

I Need To Get This Off My Chest...

2007-04-05T20:01:00.000-05:00

I've been learning to love God and to walk as a true Christian should, but sometimes it is so hard.

I've been having a lot of criticism lately, criticism that I haven't been able to shake off like I usually do. In the past two weeks, I've had people tell me I wasn't talented, that I was a bad mother, that I must have been stupid for getting pregnant without a ring on my finger.

That's a lot to take in in such a short period of time. I don't know why people want to rain on my parade. Or "piss in my garden" like some folks say. (What folks, I don't know...but I heard it somewhere before...)

The first insult didn't hurt me as much as the last two. I'm secure enough with my writing abilities to know that I am a talented writer and no amount of haterism will tell me otherwise. But for me to have to hear time and time again, "Oooh, you had a child and you weren't married." It hurts, because there's nothing I can say.

People think they are above me for the simple fact that they are still single and childless and they are able to do whatever they want to do. But I'm not sorry I had my daughter. Quite frankly, it's the opposite. I'm GLAD I have her. I'm tired of people looking down on me like I'm this poor, ignorant girl who got pregnant on purpose because she had no goals in life.

Then there's the whole other notion that I got married because I was pregnant. Newsflash: My wedding plans were in the works before my daughter came into my life. I love my hubby with everything I have, every fiber of my being is in love with him. He loves me. Isn't that what matters?

I was downright SCARED last year when I found out I was pregnant. Terrified. But I made it - we made it by the grace of God.

Now, when it comes time to invite people to the wedding, I don't really feel like some people - the others who have all these smart comments to say about me being a mommy - should be on the list. I don't want anyone at my wedding who is not supportive of me and my family.

I do my best not to judge anyone on the decisions they've made. We all make mistakes and sometimes things happen in our lives that other people don't consider to be the right move. But does that mean you are better than anyone? No, it doesn't. People disappoint me so much with their ability to rush to judgment.

I know this isn't really a well-thought-out articulate post, but I was angry at having to hear all these comments, especially when people have no idea what they are talking about.

13-year-old prostitute?

2007-04-05T12:03:00.000-05:00

I began reading New York magazine last summer when I was an intern in New York. (Fitting, right?) Well, I just happened to go over to the website yesterday and I came across this article about Lucilia, a young girl from Queens, who, after sexual and physical abuse at the hands of practically everyone she knew, was forced into prostitution at the age of 13.

Here's a small snippet of the article:

“All you got to do is go up to the car in front of us,” said Romeo, the young black man with heavy-lidded eyes at the wheel. “You charge him whatever you want to charge him, you ask if he’s police or a pimp. He’s gonna give you money, and then you’re gonna just do whatever he wants you to do real quick. It’s just a one-minute thing.” He sent her out.

She went up to the other car. The man inside drove her to one of the big parking lots nearby, close to the Belt Parkway. He paid her $500, had sex with her, and then dropped her off. “Where the money?” Romeo asked her when she climbed back inside his car. “Let me count it.” Lucilia took the cash out of her pocket and watched him flip through the bills. “Can I have my money back?” she asked. “You not getting your money back!” he said. “You making this money for me to take care of you.” And then he explained what he called “the Game,” how he would love her and be her “daddy,” how he would take care of her and buy her whatever she wanted, as long as she brought him money. “Let me tell you,” he said. “I’m a pimp, and you’re a ho.” “What do you mean I’m a ho?” she asked. She knew the word only as an insult, as in, you’re nasty. “No,” he said. “You’re a moneymaking ho.” “Is that good?” she asked. “Yeah,” he told her. “That’s good.” She was 13 years old.

What this article focuses on is not so much the fact that Lucilia was coerced into performing these sexual acts, but that she was treated as a criminal for accepting money for sex. This girl was threatened numerous times, beaten and gang-raped. She is a survivor, not a criminal. Go here to read more.

I strongly recommend everyone read this article. It upsets me so much to read about sexual abuse and tragedy that falls on these girls. What angers me even more is that the system in place isn't designed to protect them.

Reason #653 That I'm Nutty...

2007-04-03T13:08:00.000-05:00

An actual conversation I've had with a friend:

Me: I hate stamps. I hate having to mail things. I wish there was a way that you could send papers without having to actually mail it. You know, like electronically.

Friend: *pause* You mean, like email?

Me: No, not email. I mean, like physically send something. So they receive an actual paper.

Friend: *longer pause* You mean, like a fax?

Me: Oh. Yeah. I guess it's already been invented.

New interview up at Journalisticks.com....

2007-04-03T12:01:00.000-05:00

Let's talk for a moment.

Say you landed a dream job and you were really excited about it. Great pay, even better opportunities. You get there, and they inform you that something is wrong. Something needs to be changed before you can start working.

You need to cut your hair. The dreadlocks you sport isn't an acceptable hairstyle at the company.

So you do it. You cut your hair. What happens next?

Well, if you are Mashaun Simon, NABJ student representative, you go on to bigger and better things.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Simon yesterday. He's a great guy, funny, and is really successful at a young age. He's freelancing for a number of mags and writes for Black Enterprise and BlackEnterprise.com Go here to learn more....

Please support my friends...

2007-04-02T20:21:00.000-05:00

Head on over to Giant magazine's online home, giantmag.com to check out an article by esteemed colleague Charreah Jackson, titled, Are Black Girls Out of Style?

I met Ms. Jackson last summer, when we were both interns in the American Society of Magazine Editors internship program. We didn't hang out much during the 10-week stay (Ms. Jackson, a Howard student, was busy getting her network on and I, being 5 months preggers at the time, tried to stay out the heat as much as posslbe) but we still talk now. I even asked her to watch out for my little sis who decided the HBCU experience was too good to pass up.

She is major. And she's still in college. You can check out her blog, Queen to Be, to read more about how fab she is.

So what does that tell you about her future?

It's bright!

Let me go put my shades on!

Reading is fundamental, part II

2007-04-01T06:24:00.001-05:00

At my baby shower last year, I was given the usual gifts: diapers, clothes, bottles, bibs, etc. But my friends bought an insane amount of books. I thought this was weird.

Why buy books so early? I knew between feeding her and trying to find a moment to sleep, reading to a baby who couldn't care less about what adventures Pooh and Tigger were getting into would be a useless task.

But the more I thought about it, the more I think it makes sense.

So many times, when I've exhausted all the children's songs I know and my arms ache from lifting her in the air while singing her name, I lay her down on the bed and go get a book. I figure, while she doesn't know what I'm saying, the experience of laying in bed with a good book has got to be beneficial somehow, right?

I think one of the main reasons I'm so successful (if I can say so myself) is because I like to read. I read anything. When I was younger, I couldn't just eat dinner, I had to read something, anything while I was doing it. For breakfast, I would read the back of the cereal box over and over. By age 10, I could tell you the ingredients for any cereal you could think of.

That's why I named the blog "Words 'n Such." My love of writing is really just a love of words. It's just that simple.

And I want to pass that love of words, of learning, of writng down to my daughter. I believe if you are a good reader, the world is yours.

Reading is fundamental....

2007-04-01T06:24:00.000-05:00

When I was a freshman, I volunteered with this after-school program to help tutor young students, from ages 6-10. Study Buddies, we were called.

One girl, about 11, 12, was always really quiet when it came to story time. We'd pass the book around, letting each student get a chance to read a page. When we'd get to her, she'd start turning into a bully, giving a huge attitude.

The instructor sighed and let the next student read. Afterwards, when the girl was calm, I approached her and asked if she'd like to read with me. Tentatively, she grabbed the book I was holding and began to read.

"The ba-ba-ba...." she stuttered.

"Baby," I gently prodded.

"The baby...c-c-r...."

"Cried," I said.

"The baby cried," she said.

This went on for a page and a half and when I realized this little girl couldn't read any words more than three letters. When I was her age, I was devouring books, 2 or 3 of them a week. Now I understood why she was so angry and withdrawn.

I told the supervisor that I didn't think this girl could read very well. Extra help was arranged for her, along with counseling, because it turns out her home environment wasn't that beneficial either.

I don't know what became of her because my schedule didn't allow me to continue, but I think about her all the time.

She must be about 14, 15 now. I hope she was able to get the help she needed and was able to let go of her anger.

Journalisticks.com aims to help journalists of color excel...

2007-03-31T18:21:00.000-05:00

Journalists of color looking for an online home, meet Chloe A. Hilliard.

This prolific journalist and former news editor of The Source has created Journalisticks.com, a networking website that caters to the careers of minority journalists.

“It’s like MySpace meets MediaBistro,” Hilliard says.

Journalisticks.com has sections for writing opportunities, message boards, and user-generated content. Since March 1, Hilliard says the site has about 115 registered members, but she expects that number to grow in the coming months.

“I have a lot of lurkers,” she says. “Once people get more comfortable with the site and see that it’s reliable, I think they will join.”

Hilliard says she is really pushing for college students to contribute to the site.

“Our biggest challenge is getting people to submit content. I’ve gotten things here and there and I’m looking for journalism students of color who can benefit from having their work published,” she says.

The newbie site averages about 8,000 hits a day.

Hilliard has written for such publications as The Source, King, Vibe and Vibe Vixen.
In addition, she also edits books for Triple Crown Publishing, the company behind popular street fiction books Let That Be The Reason and Street Dreams.

Hilliard says the best thing a new journalist can do is make contacts.

“It’s so important to cultivate relationships,” she says. "It’s important to show them you’re interested and can think on your feet. Seek out a mentor. Invite them to lunch, send them an email. Don’t worry if your work isn’t up to par. It’s all about starting those relationships. Reach out to people even if you think they’ll say no.”

For now, Hilliard is primarily focusing on Journalisticks.com, but she says her ultimate goal is to “touch on all aspects of media.”

“I want to continue writing, strengthen my voice as a writer,” she says. “I want to continue to do speaking engagements. I want to write a book. I want to have a free-flowing media career. I don’t want to be pigeonholed.”

Power of blogging Part 2

2007-03-31T08:56:00.000-05:00

As I said in my ealier post, bloggers have considerable power.

The Chicago Tribune reported today that Shaquanda Cotton, the black teen sentenced to 7 years in prison for shoving a hall monitor even though she had no prior record, will be released early today.

You can check out the full story here.

What Love Feels Like..

2007-03-30T09:36:00.000-05:00

I really feel like I've fallen in love with this man all over again.

I mean, those first two weeks we spent together were beautiful. But now, three years later, I'm still feeling the same way and it's soooo good. I still think he's the sexiest man ever and every time he tells me he loves me or hugs me or touches me, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. I'm having such a hard time describing what this feels like though. I've never done any drugs, so I can't compare it to any unnatural high.

How's this: You know the feeling you get when....

you're sick for a long time and you wake up feeling 100% better?

you take a bite of your favorite food?

when you catch a new episode of your favorite TV show?

you're really tired and you take a nap and wake up extremely refreshed?

you finish your last exam for the semester and that sense of freedom washes over you?

you smell your favorite food baking in the oven?

you open that first Christmas present and it's exactly what you wanted?

you find some money that you forgot about in your jeans when you go to wash them?

you hear a new song on the radio and immediately you know it's going to be one of your favorite songs?

you hop on the scale and see that you actually lost weight?

you go to the store to pick up something and it's cheaper than you thought or on sale, so you can buy two of them?

when you go to dinner with someone and the check comes and they reach for it, saying, "I got this"?

when you get an A on a test that you studied all week for?

you win the lottery?

That is how I feel when I'm with my hubby. Everything is just better. Everything.

I'm so happy.

An oldie but goodie...

2007-03-30T09:26:00.000-05:00

I wrote this post at my old blog address www.shoeaddict19.livejournal.com. I wrote it Christmas Eve when I was bored. But I went back to the site and dug around and realized that everything I wrote then is still true. That is amazing to me.

****************************************************************************

I know I probably did this same post back around Thanksgiving, but I'm waiting for my parents to get back so I can go to the store to do some last-minute shopping (even though I remember telling them that I needed the car early this morning, but that's neither here nor there at this point) and I have nothing better to do. Seriously. It's either this or washing dishes. And you know writing always trumps putting my hands on a bunch of funky dishes.

So what am I thankful for? (This is by no means in order)

I'm thankful for the fact that I've (sort of) maintained my weight over this year, because usually my weight flucuates like nobody's business. I'm still in the 135 area, give or take a few pounds in either direction.

I'm thankful that I have had some wonderful professors who demanded the best of me and as a result, I have made some wonderful connections.

I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful for my mom for working two jobs, sometimes not sleeping for a few days just so we can afford to live in the house we've been living in for 17 years. I'm thankful for my dad for being so knowledgeable and trying to do the best he can with what he has. I'm thankful for my sisters because I know I can tell them anything and get the truth from them.

I'm thankful for my boyfriend. He tells me things that I don't necessarily like to hear, but that I need to hear. He's also the reason why I smile.

I'm thankful for my health. I might not be the most athletic person in a room, but I'm not suffering from diabetes or hypertension or asthma or anything. So I'm thankful.

I'm also thankful for Rachael Ray (Food Network TV Host -- "30 Minute Meals"). I know it sounds weird to be grateful for someone who doesn't even know you, but it's true. Ever since I've gotten addicted to Rachael Ray's show, I've been trying to make a conscious decision to watch what I eat. Before Rachael, I considered restaurants an "anything goes" zone, meaning it was a special event so why deprive myself? Uh-huh. Only that I was eating 1,000 calories and 60 grams of fat per meal, which was not helping. My boyfriend would take me out to dinner a lot and let me tell you, I can eat. He'll probably even admit that I'm not the same size I was when we first hooked up. I used to be around 129, 130. I know five pounds doesn't sound like much, but it's the difference between a size 6 and size 8. (And I really hate wearing a size 8) But I thank Rachael for getting me to see that sometimes it's worth it to just stay in and cook for yourself because then you can control the calories and you can eat more! She also helped me discover that I love to cook.

Last but not least, I'm thankful for God for blessing me with this talent. It may sound a little arrogant, but I believe I have amazing talent. Not only do others affirm this belief, but I just know. When a basketball player steps up, plants his feet behind the 3-point line and shoots, and the ball just swishes through, no rolling, that is amazing. That's how I feel after I write a good article. So I'm thankful.

What are YOU thankful for?

Happy to just be me....

2007-03-30T07:19:00.000-05:00

Many many times I've tried to set a specific topic for this blog. At first, it was going to be about motherhood, then being a college student. Then I decided I was going to write about being a journalist. Then I thought I'd cover black celebrities (as if there aren't enough blogs talking about Beyonce and Jay-Z). Then I thought I'd cover magazines. Or food maybe.

I thought I'd have to focus on one particular area to get folks to read. But I realized I can't limit myself like that. I am a mother, a college student, a journalist. I love magazines, but I love to eat too.

So I said, "Forget it!" I'm writing about me. My thoughts, my dreams, my projects, my life. What a great way for people to learn about me. I'm way too crazy to have a simple blog about recipes (no offense to the people who do). I like letting you see all of me, if that means writing about my daughter one day and the newest Giant magazine cover the next, well, then that's what I'm going to do.

I thought my page hits would suffer because I'm not writing about all that's "hot" right now, but they've stayed the same, primarily because I write from the heart.

I'm happy to just be me.

I Think My Daughter Will Be Just Like Me...

2007-03-29T21:19:00.000-05:00

My daughter is almost 5 months old now and I have to say she's finally at the age where she has a personality of her own. She's beginning to act like a little person and I'm loving it!What thrills me even more is that she's developing some traits that very much like mine.

For example, when I'm sitting at the computer desk, I'll put her on my lap and pull the keyboard closer. She'll reach her little hands up and pound on the keyboard. Future journalist in the making? Let's hope so.

Blogs I'm Feeling Right Now...

2007-03-29T08:55:00.000-05:00

I spend a lot of time on the computer. More than I should, but when you're broke and bored, the Internet can provide a heck of a lot of entertainment.

So when I'm browsing, I tend to read a lot of blogs. Maybe 10-15 a day. I try to find new people with new concepts so I don't feel like I'm reading the same ones over and over again. As I've gone along, I feel these are the ones who deserve repeat visits.

1) Jonzee.com - I don't know how David does it, but he manages to crank out quality posts all the time. He regularly posts on items I would never have found surfing the internet on my own - dust-mopping slippers, anyone?

2)African-American Dad - Ever since I became a mom, I've read pretty much all the "mommy blogs," where either stay-at-home moms or those who work outside the home decide to blog and chronicle their lives or work or just daily thoughts. I can pretty much relate to all of them, but I really enjoy reading about the male perspective. I enjoy reading about men who not only love their children, but chronicle that in a blog form. I never knew men were keen on revealing their personal frustrations on potty training, wife's mood swings, etc. African American Dad is great because you get to hear life from a voice that's not typically heard in mainstream America.

3) The Professional Hater - I don't know if this is a real blog or not, but this guy from Giant magazine cracks me up. His columsn/posts (whatever you want to call them) can be a bit harsh, but it never fails to put a smile on my face. I've only been reading it for a few days and already I'm hooked.

4)Ebony Mommy - Never met her, but I can say from reading her blog for a few months that she is one woman who has it all together. Beautiful kids, goregous house, fantastic relationship and a sense of self that comes across so powerfully on a computer screen. Like I said before, I don't know her personally, but after reading her blog I wish I did.

5) Tia Williams - Yeah, I mentioned this one before, but I had to say it again. I'm learning to give credit where credit is due and celebrate the fabulousness (is that a word?) of other people. Her blog is wonderfully written, with a sort of down-to-earth best friend charm that keeps you eagerly anticipating updates. She has got it together and I'm happy for her.

This is it for now. Maybe I'll make this a regular feature. Who knows? Let me know if you think I missed anybody. I'm always looking for new blogs to read.

People read more online than we thought....

2007-03-29T08:43:00.000-05:00

I'm constantly reading and studying all about media. I love it. It's fun.

So when this article popped up in my email inbox this morning, I had to read it.

The article talks about how the myth of the short attention span is just that - a myth. People actually do read news online and can handle longer pieces if they are really interested in it.

I'm glad to hear this. I love to write and I believe that's where my gift lies. Sure, I can learn to produce video and take pictures and write short, but I prefer to use my words to get my point across. I'm old-school til I die.

What do you all think? Is long-form writing on the web okay? Do you read a lot online? As always, let me know....leave me comments!

Kelly Rowland is hot like fire...

2007-03-28T17:56:00.000-05:00

Like I said in my previous post, Kelly Rowland is one to watch out for this year. Her sophomore album (do they still call 'em 'albums'? I feel so old-school just for typing that) Ms. Kelly comes out June 26 and I just had a listen to her first single "Like This."

I'm loving it! This single just screams "Get out the house with your girls looking fly in the summertime."

Check out the video below. (Thanks to Quicks for posting this)

Like This Video - Kelly Rowland
Uploaded by gotsmyown

I admit, when Destiny's Child was at its peak, Beyonce was my favorite member, but I always loved me some Kelly Rowland. Her first single, "Stole"? I played that song to death. "Can't Nobody"? Bumped that too. I hope she does it big in '07. She deserves it.

3 (More) Weird Things About Me...

2007-03-28T13:24:00.000-05:00

1)I'm addicted to Peppermint Patties. I eat them like most people smoke cigarettes. Sugar is my nicotine. I ate a whole bag one day and my hubby came home and saw the empty bag and forbid me to have any more. So what did I do?

I went to store, promptly paid for another bag and came home and ate some. He walked in on me, grabbed the bag and said, "That's the last one for you." HE HID MY BAG, Y'ALL!! Do you know how hard I searched our apartment?? I was flipping over sofa cushions, wiggling under the bed,pushing clothes aside in the closet - EVERYTHING. I couldn't do anything until I had my fix. That's when I knew I had a problem.

"Hello, everyone. My name is Tara and I'm a chocoholic."

"Hi Tara."

2) When I was younger, I wanted to be a scientist when I grew up. My parents even bought me a chemistry set when I was younger. I didn't read the instructions, oh no. I just started mixing chemicals on the back porch and watch the liquid turn colors. I'm pretty sure I spilled some hazardous stuff on myself that will probably manifest itself in a tumor of some form in the next 20 years or so.

3) When I'm watching movies, I don't hear the dialogue. I actually "read" it in my head. It's like I have my own personal subtitles in my head. And when I'm watching a DVD, I turn the subtitles on so I can read it. I love reading how people write, and I constantly learn new things when I do it. I learned all the dialogue from Sex and the City verbatim after watching it a couple of times with the subtitles. Ask me any quotes from SATC and I can tell you which season, episode number, who said it and where. My brain is cluttered with useless info like that.

The power of blogging...

2007-03-28T11:04:00.000-05:00

I love blogging for the same reason I decided to study journalism and make it my career in life. I love how words can create action. Can change people's minds. Can stir up emotions we didn't even know were there.

Words can do all of that.

By now I know you've heard of the Shaquanda Cotton case, the 14 year old Texas girl who was sentenced to 7 years in prison for shoving a hall monitor.

When I was browsing blogs and came across the name time after time, I knew it was only a matter of time before something good came out of it.

This morning on MSNBC, I heard about how the governor of Texas is being flooded with calls and letters from concerned people all over the country, asking him to step in on Shaquanda's behalf.

This is what keeps me blogging day after day. Sure, the majority of blogs are about celebrities, or pointless musings about a blogger's day, but a lot of blogs have power. They can change things.

A big thank you to those who cared enough to blog about Shaquanda. I know she thanks you too.

Magazine covers I'd like to see...

2007-03-24T20:37:00.000-05:00

I'm a magazine junkie. As soon as I land that first well-paying job (which I hope is sooner rather than later - Pampers don't grow on trees...) I plan on getting subscriptions to at least 5 or 6 magazines. And YES, I will find time to read them.

Everything is web-focused now. At this point, I'm trying to ride with the trend and brush up on some HTML, and some Flash, trying to adjust to thinking about things in terms of web hits rather than circulation.

But I'm old school. I like actually holding the magazine in my hands. Sitting in a chair at the computer looking at images on a screen is not the same as curling up in my favorite chair holding a thick, glossy mag. Something about the physical product is so sexy and alluring to me. That's why I'm not a newspaper major. Lol.

I'm predicting (and you heard it here first!) that in 20 years or so, we'll be back to print forms. Oh, web will still be here, but people will become nostalgic for that glossy paper!

Remember, folks, you heard it here first.

As I was saying, magazines are sexy. Nothing is sexier than a magazine cover. Slap your celebrity or model of the month on it, add some alluring text, adjust the colors and voila! It's beautiful.

But why does it seem like sometimes the magazines feature the same people over and over? I know who you put on the cover has a huge impact on newsstand sales, but I think people have broader interests than editors would imagine....

Here are some magazine covers of people I'd love to see featured...

1) Kerry Washington - This woman is just so put together and so talented it's crazy. When I designed the mock-up for my magazine, I put her on the cover of my debut issue. She always looks goregous, shines in every movie she's in, and she is down to earth and humble. A winning combo if you ask me.

2) Don Cheadle. Is this guy not the most underrated actor in Hollywood? What does he have to do to get a break?
I have to admit, I didn't want to go see his new movie, Reign Over Me, but it had more to do with Adam Sandler's haircut than Cheadle's acting abilities. I'll have to get over Adam's shaggy 'do and go check it out.

3)Tyler Perry - This man is a maverick.
From Diary of A Mad Black Woman to Daddy's Little Girls, to House of Payne to owning his own studio, is there anything this man can't do? I'd like to hear more about the business side of things he's done. We've all seen his ginormous house but let's hear about how he managed to get it. Nice piece for Black Enterprise I would think...

4)Kelly Rowland - Although her last album, Simply Deep, didn't sell so well, I've always thought Kelly had a beautiful voice and was undervalued as a member of D.C. She didn't have the curves like Bee, but she was pretty.With her new album, Miss Kelly due to hit stores soon, I hope she finds more success this time around. Especially with Bee all over the place, from Dreamgirls to Sports Illustrated.

So let me know: Who do YOU think should be on the cover of your favorite magazine?

VibeVixen is really stepping their game up.....

2007-03-21T20:33:00.000-05:00

I really like this new cover of VibeVixen.

I haven't been too fond of this magazine in the past, but now I can actually say I wouldn't mind writing for them. Their website isn't half bad either.

In the cover article, Janet talks about (what else?) having a baby with Jermaine Dupri and of course her brother. What I really want to read about in a Janet Jackson interview is how she feels about her lackluster album sales and her relevance in an industry where the hot new thing is the hot young thing.

I haven't actually read the magazine yet, but I might have to browse through it next time I see it on the newsstand. If anyone's read it, let me know how it is...

Thanks to Concreteloop.com for the photo.

Meet Dr. Farrah Gray, my new inspiration...

2007-03-21T18:04:00.000-05:00

I usually blog about something if I think about it at least three times. But this has to be the 80th time I've read something about a certain black man by the name of Dr. Farrah Gray, so I thought it was appropriate that I look into him and his background. Who IS Dr. Farrah Gray?

According to his bio on his official site, he is someone who can show our young people what can happen when you decide at an early age that you want to make something of yourself.

"Raised in the impoverished South side of Chicago, Dr. Gray defied the odds and became a self-made millionaire by the age of 14," his bio reads.

He got his start selling handmade lotion and bookends and accomplished more in his few years on earth than most people do in a lifetime.

I like giving light to people who are making real strides in the world, who understand what it takes to get ahead and serve as an inspiration for those generations to follow.

Now excuse me while I go off to the library to pick up his book, Reallionaire: Nine Steps to Becoming Rich from the Inside Out. You should too.

I Need Some Friends....

2007-03-21T16:55:00.000-05:00

Despite everything I have going on in my life, I have come to the painful realization that I'm lonely.

Not every day, not all the time. But I'm lonely a lot more often than I should be.

I know I have friends, most of whom are just minutes or a simple phone call away. But they're busy. Out working, enjoying life, going to class, going to the bars, etc.

Basically being young and childless.

I don't feel like I really have anyone I can talk to, who understands me. Most of my friends have been great, don't get me wrong. But I can't talk to anyone who understands my frustration when something happens with my daughter. When she spends all day crying (like today), I wish I had someone I could call who knew exactly what that felt like. Not saying my friends don't try, but it's hard to empathize with a mother if you've never actually been a mother.

I told my younger sister this the other day and she suggested that during those times when I feel sad or lonely, to call my mom. She was about 24 when she had me, and there had to have been days when she felt lonely too.

But sometimes you don't want to go running to your mother. My mom is an amazing woman who works two jobs just to keep food on the table and averages about three hours of sleep a day, completely neglecting her health in order to take care of my two sisters. (And her precious granddaughter, I should say.)

I don't want to run to her, complaining that I'm lonely. She has enough stuff on her plate as it is. I don't want to burden her further.

But I guess that's my problem. I would have no problem listening my friends vent about whatever is on their minds, but I would feel like I was burdening my friends if I spent time complaining to them. After all, I chose to get pregnant and have my daughter and if she cries all day, I feel in their mind, they wouldn't understand because hey, that's what babies do.

The hubby doesn't seem to have this problem. He works full-time and has interactions outside the house and plenty of his friends have children. It helps that he's older. Being a parent at 26 isn't so much an anomaly as it is at 21. Despite what you may think and hear, teenage (or early 20s) parents are hard to come by.

I guess it'll get better once she's a little older and I'm working and not chained to the apartment all day, bored with time on my hands to think about how lonely I am....

It's funny, no?

2007-03-20T14:49:00.000-05:00

I'm covering this story today that's taking place at the local high school. I'm walking down the hall trying to find the auditorium and a man in a tracksuit stops and points at me.

"Hey, you!" he yells.

I turn around. "Yes?"

"Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

"Um...no. I don't go here."

"Sure, sure. Get to class. Don't let me catch you in the hallway after the bell rings again."

What? Man, I know I look like a baby, but to be yelled at while covering a story is a new one for me.

Job interviews require new clothes...

2007-03-19T09:24:00.000-05:00

Despite the fact that I have close to zero dollars in my bank account (okay, let's call it like it is - I'm broke), I'm trying to go shopping to get some clothes that are suitable for a college graduate. Right now, my wardrobe consists of hoodies, 20-25 pairs of jeans and more college T-shirts than I know what to do with.

I will admit that over the past year, I have definitely improved my shoe collection, with more ballet flats and fewer flip-flops. I have a beautiful pair of chocolate Nine West wedges that I can't WAIT to wear to work. I wore them last summer during my internship and my feet didn't hurt after eight-plus hours in them.

But I want to go out and (slowly of course) buy clothes that will help me throughout the next five-ten years or so. Classic pieces, you know? I already have the trendy stuff covered.

So I've been looking at stores trying to pick one as "my store." Truthfully, my store used to be Old Navy. I would buy everything from there, but I think I'm outgrowing them.

I'm thinking Express might be it. They have the best jeans EVER and their stuff is cute without looking too young. I also like Charlotte Russe, but some of their things ARE a little cheap. But I did find this trench that is almost too cute to pass up.

I even looked at Beyonce's House of Dereon to see if there was anything there. Bee always looks put together and I thought there might be some pieces that I could work into my wardrobe.

Um....no.

I checked out the collection, but I could only find a few things worth checking out.
These pumps are cute, and I could definitely see my feet in them. Ahh the joys of having tiny feet!

So I'm going to (slowly) grow my collection of cute clothes and one day I'll look like the put-together, fresh out of college journalist that I am!

Really random things that are on my mind...

2007-03-18T20:50:00.000-05:00

No real theme here today, just things I've been thinking....

Grant Hill and Tamia are expecting! How cute is that?! I love this couple and I think they are a perfect match. Of course I don't know what goes on behind closed doors, but on the surface they just look like they are very much in love. I also saw Tamia on Montel Williams show and she was very honest about being a mom and wife while also maintaining her career as a singer. She seems really down to earth. I like that. I don't think I would be intimidated if I met her, which is more than I can say for Miss Beyonce. I love Bee, but I would be so nervous meeting her. She's way too fly for me. :)
Can I just say I'm loving Tia Williams' blog? I mean, wow! I can not WAIT to have that type of career. I want to do it all - blogger, entrepreneur, author, editor, photographer, etc.
I want to have the ultimate career. I look up to her as one of the people in this ultra-crazy biz. I love reading her commentary on everything from love and life to makeup and hair tips. She even inspired me to do something with my hair besides my current two options of up in a ponytail or down in a soft bob. And THAT'S saying something.
Less than two months away from graduation! CAN.NOT.WAIT! This is something that has been years in the making and I can't wait to have that piece of paper in my hand that says I am a college graduate. Now the next phase of my life begins.
Don't tell anybody, but I think I found my blog soul mate. He's funny and charming and he probably doesn't realize I've got my eye on him as a potential blogging buddy. I've just been lurking on his site for the past two weeks, but he's got serious potential. He's a dad, and has a pretty, successful wife. Exactly what I'm looking for!
I need a job. In the worst way. Even though my hospital bills were wiped out, I was depressed to discover my bank account is quickly dwindling, faster than you can say, "Can I hold a dollar?" Hopefully, my new endeavor will help me out in this department. (More details on that later....)

Well, I just put the little one to sleep, so I guess I'd better catch up on that beauty rest myself. Maybe tomorrow I'll give you some details about my upcoming project. Stay tuned!

Which One Do You Choose?

2007-03-16T10:49:00.000-05:00

If you were forced to choose, do you change your race or your gender?

For instance, if I had to choose, do I become a white woman or a black man?

Hmm...I think I'd become a white woman.

If you had to choose, which would you keep? Your race or your gender?

My hubby said he'd die before being anything other than a black man. Wow. Guess I'm not that attached to being black. LOL.

BET to receive an upgrade?

2007-03-16T10:28:00.000-05:00

I don't really remember exactly when I stopped watching BET. Maybe it was freshman year of college, senior year of high school. I'm not sure.

But I do know that I outgrew the channel. There just wasn't anything interesting enough to keep me coming back day after day. I had seen all the Jamie Foxx and In Living Color episodes the first time they came on. The music videos were all the same - it's like they said, "[Insert name of rapper] stand here, big-booty girl dance there, bring in the insanely expensive jewelry and rented cars, throw your cash around......aaannnnddd ACTION!" Every single time.

But now the Washington Post is reporting that BET is getting a boost in funds for original programming. Which is great news to me. I think BET is having the same problems as Ebony and some of the other black media outlets. They've done the same thing for so long that are on the verge of being obsolete. What's current about BET? Nothing really.

In the Washington Post article, they talk about some new shows, such as "Wifey" starring Queen Latifah and Terrence Howard. An animated show voiced by Vin Diesel is also in the works.

But what about news? Good movies? Specials with our favorite entertainers that actually make us think? I hope BET can make some much-needed changes. I'm excited to see what will come of it...

Prayers Answered!

2007-03-15T12:06:00.000-05:00

My hubby comes home for lunch today. In his hand is a container of Chinese food and a few envelopes. Bills, I'm assuming.

He shuffles through them, looking for the ones with my name on it.

"Please don't," I say. "I'm not in the mood to look at bills right now."

Being the ever supportive, good listener that he is, he hands me the bills anyway. I take a look at them. One from the Cleveland Clinic, one without a name.

I open the one from the clinic and this sentence stuck out: "...you qualify for a 100% discount on your incurred medical services...."

Just the other day I was worried about how I was gonna pay all this, and today I find out it's been taken care of because the hospital finally figured out how poor I was.

God is sooo good to me.

Journalisticks.com - why didn't I think of this?

2007-03-14T21:57:00.000-05:00

An online community for journalists of color. Man I had that idea about two weeks ago and now I see it already exists.

It was founded by Chloe A. Hilliard, who has written for such publications as The Source, King, Vibe and Vibe Vixen and appeared on news programs CNN Headline News’ Prime News, Our World with Black Enterprise and ABC News Now’s Speak Freely. (Man I wish I could say all that. One day I will. )

“As an editor at an urban publication, I had a difficult time finding young writers of color. There was no one place to find them. This site will change all of that,” Hilliard said.

She's inviting young journalists to come on board and submit content.

All I can say is sign me up!

PayPerPost, ReviewMe, other sites under fire?

2007-03-13T18:13:00.000-05:00

Stumbled across this article today from the LATimes that talks about bloggers writing sponsored posts and asks the question: Is it ethical?

It's a really good article, one that I think asks a lot of good questions. Is it ethical to write about something and not disclose that you were paid to write about it? I like the little buttons PayPerPost designed to go at the bottom of posts, which makes it easier to spot the sponsored posts from the unsponsored ones.

My favorite quote in the article comes from Jason McCabe Calacanis, who co-founded Weblogs, Inc.: ""PayPerPost versus authentic blogging is like comparing prostitution with making love to someone you care for deeply. No one with any level of ethics would get involved with these clowns." I don't particularly agree with his statement, but it really sums up what he thinks, that's for sure.

Since I do consider myself to be a journalist (hence the URL) I don't really feel right about getting paid to write about a certain topic. But for others, who blog mainly as a way to get income or just as a side hustle, I see no problem with it.

Read this bit of the article, written by Josh Friedman and decide for yourself:

Blogger Colleen Caldwell rants and riffs about whatever strikes her fancy —
a run-in with her child's school principal, the rising price of Girl Scout
thin mints, an upcoming movie that caught her eye.

"Has anyone out there read a book called 'The Ultimate Gift'? I just heard that a movie is being made of the book (which sold 4 million copies)," she wrote in a recent post on her site, Simple Kind of Life.The 30-year-old software analyst from Brooksville, Fla., went on to praise the inspirational message of the Fox Faith film, which opens today, about a trust fund baby who discovers the joy of giving.
Caldwell noted that each member of the opening-weekend audience was being allowed to direct a dollar of the ticket price to a charity of the filmgoer's choice.One thing Caldwell didn't mention: She was paid $12 to build buzz about the movie's opening and the charitable campaign — bringing her blogging-for-dollars take to more than $7,700.Thousands of bloggers are writing sponsored posts touting such diverse topics as diamonds, digital cameras and drug clinics. The bloggers are spurred by new marketing middlemen such as PayPerPost Inc. that connect advertisers with mom-and-pop webmasters.Some of their fellow bloggers are critical, saying the industry is polluting the blog world and misleading consumers by blurring the line between advertising and unbiased opinion.
You can read the rest of the article here.

Questions of Identity

2007-03-13T17:14:00.000-05:00

Here is an essay I'd written for Essence magazine that was rejected. I'm still holding out hope that one day I'll be able to write for them, but until then, I'll just share it with you all...

Questions of Identity
Not too long ago, a friend told me that my voice sounded “Anglo-Saxon-ish.”

In other words, I sounded like a white woman. It didn’t surprise me.

I had been hearing similar comments for most of my life.

It was always, “You dress like a white girl.” Or my personal favorite: “You listen to that white people music.”

Growing up, I always felt like I wasn’t black enough. No matter what I did, I wasn’t part of that “cool” black crowd. I liked to read and I always had good grades but I never let my friends catch me reading a book or get a glimpse of my report cards. In their minds, reading strictly for leisure and earning A’s were things white people did.

I wore Reeboks when all the black girls were purchasing Nike Air Force One’s.

I wore Tommy Hilfiger when the rest of my friends wore Marc Ecko.

My parents always encouraged me to expand my mind and think beyond what I saw. They assured me that a huge world existed beyond my block in a predominately white, but still culturally diverse, suburb of Cleveland. Who can blame me for wanting to explore it?

My friends would call me to ask me to see the latest black film that had been released. We would go and I would feel uncomfortable because the films never reflected my reality. I didn’t know any drug dealers. I lived in a two-parent home and we were middle class people in the ‘burbs. Watching Boyz N the Hood made me feel like I was living the “white” life.

It pains me to think that I didn’t discover my “blackness” until I went to college. I took a class in the Pan-African Studies department and it truly opened my eyes. Discovering the rich and varied history of some of America’s most prominent African-Americans made me feel more in touch with myself. After taking the class, I understood it was my heritage that made me who I was. It was already a part of me and I didn’t have to prove anything to anybody. There was no way for me to act “black”───I was black.

I had to understand that black people don’t fit in one mold. We are multi-dimensional, have different values and socioeconomic positions. There are black people in the hood and black people in the ‘burbs. We were all black; we simply had different addresses.

Like I said, when my friend made that remark, I wasn’t surprised. But for the first time, I wasn’t offended. When it comes down to it, I know I am Black and proud of it. The absence of hip-hop music in my CD collection or urban clothing in my closet can’t change that.

My wedding song...

2007-03-12T16:01:00.000-05:00

In less than three months, I'll be walking down the aisle at my wedding.

Wow.

My hubby's brother has offered to sing a song for me as I walk down the aisle. He chose "You For Me" by Johnny Gill. (You've heard it if you've seen Madea's Family Reunion...it's the wedding song at the very end.)

Click here if you'd like to listen to it. Let me know what you think!

Can you pay my bills?

2007-03-12T13:49:00.000-05:00

Sigh.

There's nothing I hate more than debt. I hate owing people money. A few months ago, I got a bill asking for about $100. I immediately went to my purse and wrote a check. I put the check in the envelope and demanded that my husband go mail it - IMMEDIATELY. Granted, it was about 7 p.m., so it wouldn't be mailed until the next day, but it was important to me that it get out in the mail IMMEDIATELY. He said he'd take it first thing in the morning, but I insisted the bill leave the apartment that very minute. I actually shouted, "Just do it!" like I was some psycho woman.

I just can not stand debt.

So I had a kid right, and apparently, I have pretty good insurance because what was once a $27,000 bill for all the costs associated with having my daughter, was reduced to about $2,000.

But (and let me be honest with you now) I only made $8,000 for the entire year in 2006. That's it. So for me to come up with $2000 is a bit of a stretch. I only have $124 in my bank account right now. That's it.

Needless to say, I'm stressed.

I'm trying to figure out ways to boost my income, because I don't start working until May and when I do, I don't want my first few paychecks going straight to the hospital. I'd like to have a little bit to save.

And yes, what about the hubby? Some of you may ask. Right now, our finances are kinda weak. Between regular life, student loans and now these bills, we're a bit tapped out.

So just pray for me. Pray that I find a way to cope...

Grey's Anatomy....Before The Scrubs, Part 2.

2007-03-12T12:41:00.000-05:00

I first saw Chandra Wilson in an episode of Sex and the City. Samantha, the sexually adventurous blonde (played by Kim Cattrall) had just given her heart to Richard, only to walk in on him, how should I say - pleasuring another woman. To pay him back Samantha posts flyers all around Manhattan that call him a liar and a cheater.

Chandra Wilson plays the cop who tries to stop her from posting flyers. Her role is brief but funny.

Now Chandra plays tough-as-nails Miranda Bailey on Grey's Anatomy. She said in an interview on Ellen that the role was originally intended for a short, blonde white woman, but she aced the audition and got the part. Good for her!

Chandra Wilson was also on the show "Bob Patterson," the brief comeback vehicle for Jason Alexander. Only five episodes aired.

Looking through her works, not much surprises me. She got into acting at an early age, landed this great role and the rest is history.

But Chandra Wilson inspires me. Not because she got a role on a hit show that wasn't intended for her, not because she's a black woman succeeding in Hollywood, not because she's curvy and doesn't apologize for it. Nope.

Because she is able to watch FOUR HOURS of TV every night. On Ellen, she said she has to watch all her soaps every day or her world won't be right. I'm tying to figure out what I'm doing wrong because I can't seem to find the time to watch ONE show at night, let alone four, and I'm not even on TV....

The mystery continues...

More about Martin Lindsey

2007-03-11T10:59:00.000-05:00

I met Martin Lindsey while I was surfing MyBlogLog looking for interesting blogs to read. His smiling face drew me in, and his meaningful posts are what kept me coming back to read more.

Martin is a sweet guy, and has some of the same goals and dreams that I do. He wants to help people in all areas: spiritually, emotionally and financially. I interviewed him a week or so ago to learn more about the man who hosts the growing MartyBLOGs website. Check him out after you read the interview:

What are your ultimate goals in life?
My ultimate goals in life always include having a successful marriage and raising outstanding children. In purely personal terms I'd like to become an internationally known blogger and public speaker (a combination of motivational and humorous). I'm going to be the National Champion of Public Speaking in 2008. I'm learning the process and stages I have to go through in Toastmasters in order to reach that objective.

How will your blog help you accomplish these goals?
Blogging won't help with being a good husband and father but it will address part two of my first answer. Writing a quality blog and making a "bloggy reputation" for myself will help the ultimate career goals. I hope that includes opportunities like this to generate publicity for myself and my blog. I believe in reciprocity and virtual interviews and blog backlinks provide the opportunity for bloggers to support each other's causes. That community feeling is one of the reasons I like to do it.

What do you do for fun? Hobbies? What do you enjoy?
I like to read, write and speak. That's why I like to blog. It's a natural offshoot for me and now I have an audience to share with! I love the great outdoors. Haven't had enough time for fishing or hiking since the kids came but now that I'm the Cub Master that's all about to change. Haven't had time for a garden in five years but now that the kids are older I'm going to try and find some time where we can can go out in the back yard, dig up a patch and play in the dirt together.

Who or what has been the biggest inspiration in your life?
I'd have to say my mother by far. I have more respect for her every day. She and my father divorced when I was younger than either of my children. The way she managed to successfully raise my older brother and sister and me by herself after that is plain heroic. I never thought so when I was a child or a young adult but I do now. Only as a married man with just two kids have I been able to appreciate what she did with me and my sibs.

What do you see for yourself five years from now?
The next five years I'm honing on extreme expertise in my passions. I'll reference some famous people to give you a better feel for where I'm going with it. I see myself as a John Maxwell, Les Brown, James Dobson amalgamation when it comes to the things I believe in and want others to be better in.

What have you realized about life that you wish everyone else knew?
Have a positive silver lining attitude and stop being uptight about what other people aren't doing right morally or socially. Address a situation if you're able to but don't lose any sleep over it because, in the end, your life example is better proof of how things should be than a lecture. Thus, my personal tagline, "be an actionist."

Name some people you want to meet? (Famous or not)
I'll do famous and I'll tell you why I'd like to meet them and, for that matter, interview them. Oprah Winfrey (our modern day Carnegie), Bill Gates (our other modern day Carnegie), Joyce Meyer, Joel Osteen, Creflo Dollar and Fred Price (all prominent, positive, encouraging Christian leaders who live the Word in their actions and ministries), Richard Branson (entrepreneur with no mental boundaries on life's possibilities), Bob Ballard (I'd like to go on one of his deep sea exploration adventures), Dr. Ben Carson (his story sounds similar to mine..'nough said), General Collin Powell (the classic warrior and a man of principle...nothing but respect for the man).

What are your favorite blogs to read?
I'll go with the blogger's names. Tara Pringle of course. I like to see young people like you doing positive things. It's encouraging and uplifting for me. Paula Mooney, blogger mentor extraordinaire. Glad to be a coat-tail-hanger-on in her world. Bonnie Calhoun, professional writer and great blogger who freely shares helpful hints with us blog rookies. Darren Rouse because he's the first blogger I read and who inspired me to get started. The writer of Single Mom and Money Blog - haven't picked up on her name yet - because she writes practical financial advice from her life perspective and that's what I do with mine as well.

Name one thing about you that would surprise people you just met.
If I could gather the funds - huuummm, online fundraising campaign - for a reservation I would buy the first ticket on Richard Branson's civilian space craft. The last time I checked, Virgin Galactic was still in the design phase of their version of a reusable shuttle type ship. They were also getting all the other ducks in a row business wise.
So that's my story. Hope it's worthy of your expectations!

Head on over to MartyBLOGs to read more!

My new favorite picture of the munchkin!

2007-03-08T13:35:00.000-05:00

3 months and counting!

I'm looking for my soul mate....

2007-03-08T13:08:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I've already got a hubby.

"Well, isn't he your soul mate?" you ask.

"Yes."

"So then why are you still looking for one?"

"Well, he's my soul mate, but I'm looking for an online friend."

"Online friend? Isn't that cheating?"

"No, not really."

"Yes it is. It's like Adult Friend Finder or whatever it is that pops up when you try to look at porn."

"I'm not looking to meet this person. I'm looking for a guy who's a fellow blogger who writes about his personal feelings - not celebrities, not SEO, not design or anything else. I just want a guy who understands me."

"But, um, what about the hubby?"

"Why do you keep bringing him up?"

"I'm just saying..."

"Well, don't."

Basically, all that dialogue just goes to say that I am looking for a new blog. Someone who's a witty writer, who understands the basic rules of grammar, that updates at least once or twice a week, and who writes about things I can relate to.

Is that so hard to find?

Probably as hard as finding my soul mate was.

Why Don't I Fit In?

2007-03-07T21:48:00.000-05:00

I'm so old.

Not really, not physically, but mentally. I swear I'm about 21 going on 65. My friends ask me the "grown-up" questions, you know, things like when to file taxes, how to apply for graduation, can you proofread my resume, etc, etc. Things I know because I'm "older."

Which is weird because all my friends are at least my age or a few years older. But I'm telling you, I'm maturing faster than everyone else and I always have.

I think it might be because I started school a year early, so I was always trying to keep up with my friends who were doing things that I shouldn't have been attempting for at least another year.

But somehow it made me old. Just the thought of going down to the bars on Thursday or Friday night makes me want to head right to the bed and snuggle under the covers with a thick glossy magazine. And I'm okay with that.

I've only been out to clubs twice. Maybe three times. That's it. My younger sister at Howard has been to more parties her first semester freshman year than I did all four years of college. Wow. Mind you, she did all that partying without even being 18 most of the semester (not to say she participating in underage drinking, 'cause she wasn't...and if you were, I'm gonna get you!).

I guess I'm saying all this to say three things:

1) I'm graduating from college and I've never been drunk. Something seems odd about that. I've barely had any liquor these past four years. My first actual drink was about two months ago, when the hubby and I had a rare date night and I ordered a strawberry daiqiuri.

2) And speaking of my other half, maybe that's why I feel so old. How many college students do you know that are married? With a kid? And under 25? It's not too many of us out there....

3) I know what a lot of people think. Truthfully sometimes I think it too. They look at me and wonder why I settled down so early, why I had a kid before I had a degree, why I had my wedding ring before I had my honor cords. But things don't always happen the way we want in the order we want when we want it to happen. That's one thing I've learned over this past year. I had to stop trying to force things to happen and let life take over.